into making sure her and Ryan’s paths didn’t cross. Working in such a large hospital had helped. It hadn’t worked today, though. She’d been completely surprised to see him in the park. Also the fact that Ryan spent so much time in the OR had helped.
She wasn’t proud of the fact she’d checked the schedule each morning and planned her visits to the patients’ rooms when she knew there was the least chance of running into him. Even though she made every effort not to see him, her body turned against her whenever she did. Heat rose in her every time she saw him.
Her life had gone from barely tolerable when she’d left Alexis’s home to impossible. The only shining moments had been those spent with Ryan. Now even those were gone. Knowing she’d made the right choice didn’t make it any easier to live without him. Seeing him daily at the hospital was a constant painful reminder of how much she cared.
She didn’t have to look at him to know when his gaze was on her. She felt it. Hot, heavy and beckoning. When she glanced at him he made sure to be looking elsewhere. His sunny, ready smile had become almost non-existent. The nurses were making comments about how much he’d changed, speculating on the cause.
He wasn’t happy and neither was she, but she didn’t know how to change it. Even if she wanted to, would Ryan forgive her for all the things she’d said to him? Based on the ease with which he’d left her to walk with the nurse, she’d say she’d lost her chance.
Her efforts to dodge Ryan were working better than those she used to keep Alexis at bay. Where Ryan was silently accepting, Alexis was overt and demanding. There were twice-daily calls asking when they might get together. Lucy had ignored the first day’s worth. The second day she’d actually spoken to Alexis but only long enough to say she was too busy to meet her.
She had to get control of her life. Did she want to continually live like this? She’d shocked herself when she’d stood up to Ryan. Even more so when she’d undressed in front of him and all of Lower Manhattan. She should be able to talk to her sister. Ryan was lost to her but maybe her sister wasn’t. She had to try. Nothing could be worse than what she had now.
She called Alexis as soon as she was out of bed the next morning.
“Alexis, can we get together tomorrow? I’m taking the afternoon off.”
“That sounds wonderful. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow and I’ve hardly seen you. I’ll meet you at the hospital if you want.”
Lucy couldn’t risk her sister running into Ryan. “I’ll come to your place. Take you out for lunch.”
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ve missed you, Luce.”
“Me, too,” Lucy whispered, after Alexis had hung up.
* * *
Lucy pushed away the strands of her hair that had escaped from the tight bun she’d worn the last few days. Just thinking about how much Ryan loved her hair made her feel self-conscious. Having it down reminded her of how he’d played with it as she’d explored his body. If she kept tight control of her hair, maybe she could govern her memories as well. She shuddered. Those moments were events she shouldn’t dwell on.
She raised her hand in the air to hail a cab. It surprised her how acclimatized to living in New York City she’d become in just a few weeks. Where she’d been intimidated by the large bustling city when she’d first arrived, now she could throw up an arm and hail a cab with ease.
Even the subway system was starting to feel familiar to her and her on-time rate was improving because she wasn’t lost all the time. She was starting to think of the city as home. Where she’d been a meek and mild person unsure of what to do and where to go, she’d become much more confident. That was empowering.
How often had she told her patient families that when they got out on the other side of the tough times they would find a bright spot? It was no different for her. She had lived her life not in the shadow of Alexis but with her leading the way all the time. Now she was her own person, having to fight her own battles. She was a stronger person for making the move to New York.
She could face Alexis. Would tell her the truth. With new resolve Lucy stepped out of the taxi and entered Alexis’s building, making her way up to the correct floor. Could things between them be worse than they already had been? She loved Alexis and Alexis loved her. They would get through this. Wasn’t it the same with Ryan? She wasn’t so sure. Could she forgive him if he’d treated her as badly as she’d treated him?
She rapped her knuckles firmly against Alexis’s door. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin to cover the jitters that felt like a flock of birds taking off in her belly, Lucy waited.
Too soon for her nerves the door opened and Alexis stood there. The warm smile of welcome Lucy had received days earlier had disappeared. Alexis pierced her with a look.
“Come in and tell me what’s going on.”
Lucy should have known she couldn’t hide from her sister long. Nothing got by her. She knew Lucy too well.
Alexis closed the door behind Lucy, reminding her of bars closing on a jail cell. She wouldn’t be released until Alexis got want she wanted. That suited Lucy just fine. She was ready to bare her heart. Would do what it took to get back what she’d lost.
Alexis headed toward a sofa, leaving Lucy to follow. “Emily’s napping and Sam’s at the office at a meeting. We have time to talk. Really talk,” Alexis said, sitting on the sofa.
Lucy had always received a hug from Alexis when they hadn’t seen each other in a while. It was telling that she hadn’t offered one this time. Lucy would have to call on her new-found determination to get through this. She followed Alexis to the living room, taking the sofa opposite hers.
“What happened to you the other night? I know what you told me but I also know you well enough to know when you’re lying. Something’s going on and I want to know what it is.”
Alexis had never been one to dance around what she wanted to know. Lucy had to tell the truth. Alexis deserved to hear the whole dreadful story.
She focused on the tip of her black dress boot, unable to make eye contact with Alexis. “I had to leave Atlanta.”
“Had to leave? Why?” Patience was never Alexis’s strong suit. Lucy had always been the one to wait and listen.
“Because I was too close to Emily. It was too hard. I thought you were starting to resent me.”
Alexis’s mouth fell open as she leaned forward. “I don’t understand.”
She didn’t imagine that Alexis did. Alexis’s thoughts had never wavered away from the fact she was going to have a baby to think about how it was affecting her sister. Lucy looked at Alexis, seeing her in a different light for the first time ever. Lucy had always revered Alexis, thinking she could do no wrong.
Now she recognized that Alexis had been so focused on her own needs that she’d had no idea of what Lucy had been going through. Lucy didn’t love Alexis any less, she just recognized that Alexis’s concern had more to do with her having a family than with Lucy’s welfare. It was not a criticism. It was a reminder that Lucy had to build a life of her own. Move on.
“Alexis, we talked of Emily being yours. You made all the doctor’s appointments. I knew in my head that she
