your parenting style.
Myth #6: You’ll fall in love with baby at first sight
Babies aren’t always so beautiful right after being born, but that’s to be expected, given what they’ve just gone through to enter the world. Don’t feel guilty if you look at your baby and aren’t immediately enamored with her (them). Emotions are difficult to control, and for some fathers — and even mothers — falling head over heels for your baby may take some time.
Childbirth is a long, intense experience (as we describe in Chapter 10), so allow yourself adequate time to rest and get to know the new addition to your family. If you suffer from feelings of regret or extreme sadness, or if you experience thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, seek immediate medical assistance.
Becoming a Modern Dad
Dads today are involved in every aspect of a child’s life. They’re no longer relegated to teaching sports, roughhousing, and serving as disciplinarians. Modern fatherhood is all about using your strengths, talents, and interests to shape your relationship and interactions with your child.
Modern dads change diapers, feed the baby, wake up in the middle of the night to care for a crying child, and take baby for a run. They don’t “baby-sit” their children; they’re capable parents, and no job falls outside the realm of their capabilities. Though all that involvement does mean you’ll put in far more effort and time than previous generations, it also means that you’re bridging the gap of emotional distance that used to be so prevalent in the father-child experience.
The sections that follow (and the chapters in Part 4) offer information and advice on making changes and stepping into the practical role of daddy.
Changes in your personal life
If what you fear most is losing the freedom to spend as much time as you want engaging in leisure activities, then you’re in for some life-altering sacrifices. Babies require you to say no to a lot of commitments that the prebaby you would have been eager to engage in. Don’t make a lot of outside-the-home plans that you consider optional, at least at first.
For the first six months, going out at night is challenging, especially if your partner is breast-feeding and/or you don’t live near family. However, as your baby ages, leaving him with a babysitter becomes more feasible and less stressful.
Perhaps what you fear the most is the impact baby will have on your relationship with your partner. This fear is valid, given that you’ll scarcely find time for the two of you to be alone. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have time to connect.
Changes in your professional life
Depending on the requirements of your job, your daily routine may go completely unchanged aside from the uptick in yawns due to late-night feedings and fussiness. Thoughts of your new family may make focusing difficult, especially when you first return to work following any paternity leave or vacation time you take. It won’t be long, though, before you settle back into a normal routine, and work just may become the one arena of your life that provides a respite from parenting duties.
Workaholics, however, find themselves at a crossroads. Some choose to cut back on hours spent at the office, whereas others, hopefully with the full support of their partners, proceed with business as usual. There’s no right or wrong way to balance a demanding job with a new baby as long as you and your partner are comfortable with the arrangement and you spend enough quality time with your child.
What is quality time? It’s time you spend with your child, focusing on your child. Some people say quality time has nothing to do with the quantity of time you spend with your child, but we feel that it’s affected by the amount of time you devote to your child. Give as much as you can because the old adage is true — they grow up so fast. Your smartphone will still be there when baby goes to bed.
Some dads even leave the workforce altogether or take work-at-home positions to provide full-time childcare for their newborn. If you choose this route, make sure to check out Chapter 14, which notes some important considerations of being a stay-at-home daddy.
Lifestyle changes to consider
Bad habits are hard to break, but when you have the added stress of a baby, those habits can be even harder to conquer. That said, you’re about to have a child — a sponge that will soak up your every word and action — so it’s time to clean up your act. Following are a few lifestyle alterations to consider making so you can lead by example without reservation:
Control your anger and censor your potty mouth. Kids learn how to treat and interact with others at a very young age. Start revising your behavior now and get used to swearing less, before your kid picks up some foul-mouthed communication habits.
Develop routines. Be it running errands, cooking, making phone calls, or paying the bills, get systems in place to ensure that everything gets done with the least amount of stress. Knowing who does what when keeps you on track when baby throws a wrench into everything.
Eat healthier. Your partner needs to be extremely diligent about eating pregnancy-positive foods, so use this time as an opportunity to get your diet in order. Soon enough, you’ll be cooking for three, and if you’re already in the habit of preparing healthy foods, you’ll have no trouble providing proper nutrition to your child.
Lose weight. If you’re considerably overweight, you’re more susceptible to illness and a shortened life span. Furthermore, children of obese parents are more likely to be obese. Kids learn nutrition and lifestyle habits from their parents, so set a good example and give your child a fair shot at a long, healthy life.
Organize and de-clutter your home. Create a safe, livable place for your new addition, which also helps decrease the amount of stress in your life.
Quit smoking/drinking too much/taking recreational drugs. Secondhand smoke increases the risk of illness for your child and the likelihood that she’ll become a smoker as an adult. Frequent overconsumption of alcohol makes you less likely to be a responsible parent capable of making good, safe decisions for baby. In fact, alcohol and drugs often lead to harmful and neglectful decisions that can land you in legal trouble and your child in the foster care system.
Spend less money on nonessential items. Teaching kids fiscal responsibility is just as important as teaching them social responsibility. Plus, kids aren’t cheap, so stop spending $50 per week on lattes and comic books and start banking your savings to provide a sound, secure future for your family.
Start an exercise regimen. Physically active, healthy parents get less run down and are less susceptible to illness. Plus, you want to live a long life with your children.
Bringing
