can. Having a child unexpectedly isn’t the end of the world, and you don’t have to feel ready to have a baby to be a good father.
Welcoming long-awaited pregnancies
Getting pregnant isn’t always as easy as they make it look in the movies, as the millions of infertile couples know all too well. (And if you and your partner are dealing with infertility, head to Chapter 2 for help.) Finding out that you’re pregnant after a long wait brings a mixed bag of emotions, most of which are joyful.
If you and your partner have been struggling to get pregnant, you likely feel relieved that you’re about to get the gift you’ve been working so hard to find, but don’t be surprised if you have difficulty adjusting to life outside of the infertility world. After months and years of scheduled sex, countless doctor visits, and innumerable disappointments, not everyone transitions into the pregnancy phase with ease.
You also may struggle with extreme fear because of previous miscarriages, close calls, and years of frustration with the process. Allow yourselves the opportunity to gripe, complain, worry, and grieve for a process that took a lot of patience and energy. Frustrations that were bottled up for the sake of optimism may finally surface, which is absolutely healthy.
Peering into the Pregnancy Crystal Ball
When you get used to the idea of being a father, you may wonder what comes next. For the uninitiated, first-time dad, the nine months of pregnancy are a whirlwind of planning, worrying, parties, nesting, name searching, doctor visits, and information gathering as you move toward baby’s birth. In the following sections we lay out what you can expect in each trimester (a period of three months).
First trimester
In the first trimester, which encompasses the first three months of pregnancy, your partner will likely suffer from a host of common pregnancy symptoms immortalized and caricatured in numerous movies and TV shows, such as nausea, (food aversions), intense sleepiness, (fatigue), unexplained tears, and baffling cravings for the oddest food combinations imaginable.
Because your baby’s major organs form during this time, he’s most susceptible to injury from environmental factors, such as certain medications ingested by your partner. He’s also growing in a way he never will again. By the end of the first trimester, your baby grows to be about 3 or 4 inches long and weighs approximately 1 ounce.
By the time he reaches the end of the first three months, your baby’s arms, legs, hands, and feet are fully formed, and he’s able to open and close his fists. The circulatory and urinary systems are fully functional, meaning that, yes, he urinates into the amniotic fluid on a daily basis. Secondary body parts, such as fingernails, teeth, and reproductive organs, begin developing.
Want more information on the miracle that is the first trimester? Head to Chapter 4 for all the minute details.
On the practical side, don’t forget to take a look at your medical insurance and make sure you understand your benefits.
Second trimester
During the second trimester, most of your partner’s early pregnancy symptoms, such as extreme fatigue, disappear, but she finally begins to look like the pregnant person she is. She may begin struggling with the not-so-fun aspects of carrying another human being around, such as weight gain. She may also exhibit characteristics you associate more with your grandmom than your partner, such as forgetfulness.
This is also the pregnancy period when the fun stuff begins. Around 18 to 20 weeks, your partner has the ultrasound that can determine the baby’s sex — if you choose to find out and if the baby allows the ultrasound technician a clear view. It’s also the time when you register for your baby shower, prepare the nursery, weed through countless baby names, attend birthing classes, and think about baby-proofing your house.
By the end of the second trimester, your baby is roughly 14 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds. Her skin is still translucent, but her eyes are beginning to open and close. Your partner is also likely to start feeling movements and even baby’s tiny hiccups. Check out Chapter 5 to find out more about the second trimester.
Third trimester
Assuming all goes according to plan and your baby bakes until he’s full term (meaning he isn’t born before 37 weeks) or later, the third trimester can be one of the longest three-month periods of your — and your partner’s — life. Your partner begins to feel uncomfortable as her ever-increasing abdominal girth makes it difficult to move and sleep normally, and you both get antsy about the impending arrival.
Picking a pediatrician who you’re comfortable with and who has a similar parenting philosophy as you and your partner
Crafting your birth plan (and hiring a doula if you want one)
Getting your maternity and paternity leave squared away
Creating a phone tree to announce baby’s arrival
Finishing up any odd projects around the house that need to be done prior to baby’s arrival
During the third trimester, your baby is fully developed and focused on growing larger and stronger for life on the outside. See Chapter 8 for the full details.
WHILE YOU WERE GESTATING: CREATING A PREGNANCY TIME CAPSULE
Because the first few weeks of pregnancy are likely to be rather uneventful, now is a good time to start a time capsule for the year your baby will
