hides food in is an impenetrable fortress of delicious leftover chicken fajita and cream cheese.
Of course there’s dry food in the bowl, but you’re keeping that for later.
That leaves only one possible option. To save your very life your person needs to get up immediately and open something! Well, something you’re actually in the mood for, perhaps involving giblets, or a seafood component. Except, you’re not really feeling like white fish this morning, unless perhaps if it is part of a seafood platter. But that’s a bridge you’ll cross when you come to it. Right now, you just need to focus on the problem at hand.
While shrieking up a storm might seem to be the most straightforward attention-getter, you know that usually results in you being tossed out into the hallway with the door slammed in your face. Instead, try some of these more subtle ways to wake her up and get you fed (in escalating order):
Face Touching: Ever so gently – no claws – place a paw on her cheek. Now smoosh, then release. Smoosh, then release. We recommend ten reps of three.
Lick a Plastic Bag: Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick, lick. Wasn’t that annoying to read? Imagine what it sounds like if you just rolled in a few hours ago from a night out with the girls.
Plastic bags strewn around the bedroom floor aren’t just fun, they can be staunch allies in your quest to get grub. If, on the other hand, your person is careful to hide her purchases and dispose of the bag evidence, a lampshade or dry-cleaning bag are acceptable substitutes.
Whack Something Repeatedly: Using your paw, rapidly whack at something in the room. It’s important that the something you choose to whack, in turn smacks into something else and makes a noise – a really irritating noise that you can commit to maintaining for at least ten minutes. The blinds or a hinged cupboard door are popular options. If nothing in the room happens to fit the bill, scratching the wallpaper works just as well.
Hair Chewing and Licking: Start by nibbling the ends, build up to a gnaw and finish with a series of aggressive tugs. Should your person have short hair unsuitable for chewing, treat her to a full head grooming instead. These techniques are designed to really get her attention, but they may well get you kicked off the bed. If she doesn’t get up and follow, jump back up there and move on to the next, and final, step.
Hand Licking/Biting: Your sandpapery tongue will awaken her briefly, and she’ll probably be touched by your little display of affection. That’s the time to drive home the immediacy of your desperate situation with a startling nip. Be careful not to bite too hard and draw blood. You need that hand operational for food-dispensing duties. If for some reason one bite isn’t enough, be prepared for an encore or two.
At this point she’ll probably realize her alarm is going to go off in thirty minutes anyway, so she might as well just get out of bed and feed you.
But what if she actually does dole out plain old coley? Just walk away and take a nap on that big warm spot on the bed.
Cats are born with wanderlust. We all crave the romance of the highway, spirited sailing adventures and the chance to shed all over the most opulent salons of Paris. Even the mildest among us generally enjoy rubbing on new people, staring at different cultures and refusing to eat local cuisines. But some cats don’t just dream of doing these things – they get out there and do them, by stowing away.
Stowing away is the perfect choice for a cat who’s ready to see the world beyond her person’s home, without the exhausting preparation and expense that normally comes with travelling. It’s easy enough for any cat to do. Just fall asleep in something, wait for it to start moving, and you’re on your way! No reservations or ticket required.*
These are the real-life tales of three brave stowaways, and what happened to them out on the open road.
ZIGGY
Ziggy was a fluffy white cat with two different-coloured eyes, just like his namesake, Ziggy Stardust. But Ziggy wasn’t a rock star from outer space. He was a puss from Haifa, Israel, with a thirst for culinary adventure. So one day he curled up in a shipping crate, and let Fate take him where it would. Ziggy didn’t much care where he landed, as long as the living was easy and the cuisine memorable.
He took a seventeen-day, 2,000-mile voyage across the sea and ended up in Whitworth, Lancashire. Lancashire’s known for lots of things. Cat food is not one of them. Ziggy refused to let this fact dampen his enthusiasm. When his crate opened, he darted out and headed straight to the local pub, where he enjoyed an excellent pint of bitter and the tastiest black pudding he ever had. It may have taken seventeen days to get there, but Ziggy thought every bite was worth it.
GRACIE
Looking for a nice spot to snooze, Florida tabby Gracie stumbled upon a comfy box filled with clothes. Wasn’t she in luck! As Gracie climbed in, she briefly wondered why she hadn’t noticed this choice spot before. Gracie soon fell sound asleep. That’s when the strange dreams started. A cosy box…a car ride…an airport…a noisy machine that took her picture.
It was only when Gracie awoke in a cramped, dark space that she realized it wasn’t a dream at all. She had been in the airport. That cosy box she’d climbed into was her person’s suitcase, and he hadn’t noticed her when he finished packing. Instead, he’d zipped it up and checked the bag in with the airline. Now Gracie was in the cargo section of an aeroplane – and she was the only one who knew it!
After a chilly trip without snacks or beverages, Gracie’s plane finally landed in Fort Worth, Texas. She took a few rough rides around the luggage carousel before the bag was picked up. Finally, she thought, this mess will be sorted out.
But the mess was far from over. The suitcase was picked up – but not by Gracie’s person. A stranger mistook the bag for hers, took it home and opened it up. Gracie and the stranger were equally surprised. The stranger was not expecting to find a cat, and Gracie had never seen someone wearing a ten-gallon hat.
The lady checked the baggage label and called Gracie’s person, who was equally shocked to hear that his cat was in the Longhorn state. Gracie was sent back on her way, but not before a little bit of sightseeing and a hearty taste of Texas-style chili.
MIRACLE
A little grey stray from Newark, New Jersey, Miracle had always wanted to go to Philadelphia. He wanted to run up and down the steps outside the museum.
There was only one problem. Miracle didn’t know where Philadelphia was. So when he heard about a 4x4 that was taking something called the ‘turnpike’ in that direction, he climbed underneath to hitch a ride.
Little Miracle made it some seventy miles before another driver noticed him clinging to the car and frantically waved down the driver of the 4x4. Everyone was amazed that Miracle had
