target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#fb3_img_img_834f03e6-b8b0-5d82-bb4a-a77ab5744e8e.jpg"/> being thirsty for new knowledge and ideas
taking the time and effort to learn whatever intellectual, practical and social skills they need to make their work, home and relationships run as smoothly as possible
enjoy sharing their skills and wisdom with their children
being keen to learn from their children
5 Stimulation
surrounding themselves and their children with motivating and inspiring resources such as toys, books, music, videos and computer programs
mixing with energizing people who either challenge or inspire them
supporting and stimulating others to undertake interesting and innovative projects and activities
6 Sense
providing enough security and stability so that their children are not constantly ‘infected’ with anxiety and fear that their basic needs may not be met
keeping both feet firmly on the ground even when they are engaged in creative and visionary projects
ensuring that most of their risk-taking has at least a 50 per cent chance of success
making contingency plans whenever they undertake a challenge which has even a small chance of failing
living within their financial means and planning for ‘rainy days’
7 Successfulness
being keen to live their lives to the full and reach old age with few regrets
constantly setting themselves challenging but realistic goals
being ‘winners’ and achievers (at least in their own eyes)
finding work and activities that allow them to thrive and use their full potential
being proud of their success and freely enjoying the rewards that it brings
Now let’s examine the characteristics of the ‘sinners’ of the parenting world. These are the kind of people whom we all want to think are very different from us because, however hard they may sometimes try, they still seem to have a negative effect on their children’s confidence. I doubt very much if you are an extreme version of the sinner (because after all you are reading this book) – but as you read through the following list of characteristics, be honest with yourself and note whether any uncomfortable bells begin to ring.
The 7 ‘sinful’ characteristics of ‘not good-enough’ parents
1 Selfishness
wanting their children first and foremost to satisfy their needs (e.g. for love, fun, companionship or power and control)
directing their children into activities and studies so that they (the parents) can bask in their reflected glory
not being willing sometimes to sacrifice their own comforts, pleasures or ambitions for the good of their children
2 Spitefulness
using their greater physical and emotional strength or articulacy to hurt their children (perhaps because they are jealous of their achievements or youth)
preventing children from using the opportunities and resources available to them, because they themselves had to ‘manage without’ when they were their age
using children as ‘easy targets’ on whom to vent their pent-up frustration and anger
withholding praise and rewards, because they didn’t have them as children or may not be having them currently in their own lives
always having the last word in an argument
enjoying defeating their children in games
deflating children’s pleasure in their success by telling them about their own or other people’s greater achievements
3 Sanctimoniousness
always knowing what is best and unable to see that anyone else’s values could be worthwhile
being smugly sure about the meaning and purpose of life and not giving their children enough space to explore other philosophies, moral codes or religious beliefs
target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#fb3_img_img_834f03e6-b8b0-5d82-bb4a-a77ab5744e8e.jpg"/> being thirsty for new knowledge and ideas
