The New Father. Armin A. Brott

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LONG UNTIL IT’S GONE👎 Tap the bridge of your baby’s nose (gently, please), turn on a bright light, or clap your hands close to his headClose his eyes tightlyGlabella (nasopalpebral) reflex. Protects baby’s eyes from being injured by an object or a harsh light2–4 months👎 Make a sudden, loud noise or give the baby the sensation of fallingFling legs and arms out and back, throw head back, open eyes wide, and cry, then bring arms back to the body and clench fingersMoro or startle reflex; a fairly primitive way for the newborn to call for help3 or 4 months👍 Straighten the baby’s arms and legsFlex arms and legsProbably the body’s attempt to resist being held down3 months👍 Pull baby up to a sitting position (be sure to support the head while doing this)Snap eyes open, lift shoulders, try (usually unsuccessfully) to lift headDoll’s Eye or China Doll reflex; an attempt to get self upright and to support his oversized head1–2 months👍 Stand baby up (while holding him under the arms) on a solid surface and lean him a little bit forwardLift one leg, then the other, as if marchingWalking reflex; baby can protect himself by kicking away potentially dangerous things—has absolutely nothing to do with real walkingAbout 2 months👍 Put baby on tummy on flat surface; never do this on a beanbag or other soft surface—baby can suffocateSquirm around as if he were crawlingCrawling reflex; a way for baby to get away from danger2–4 months👎 Support baby’s chest in the water (but never let go—your baby can’t really swim)Hold his breath and move his arms and legs as if swimmingSwimming reflex; possibly a way for baby to escape sharks or other underwater dangers6 months👍 Stroke back of hand or top of foot; gently poke the side of the palm or sole of the footWithdraw hand or foot and arch itProtection against pain2–4 months👍 Stroke or put an object on the baby’s palmTightly grasp with enough strength to allow you to pull him to sitting position (be sure to support head)Palmar reflex; encourages baby to start understanding the shape, texture, and weight of whatever he’s grasping2–4 months👍 Stroke the sole of the foot from heel to toeRaise the big toe, spread the small ones, and flex the foot as if graspingBabinski reflex; a throwback to our monkey daysThe end of the first year👍 Stroke cheek or lipsTurn head toward the side being stroked, open mouth, and start suckingRooting reflex; helps baby get ready to eat3–4 months👍 Place baby on his back and gently turn his head to one sideStraighten arm on the side he is looking, bend arm and leg on other sideTonic Neck (Fencing) reflex; encourages baby to use each side of body and to notice own hands1–3 months👍 Place baby on his tummy and gently stroke one side of the spineHips and torso will bend toward the side you’re touchingGalant reflex; helps baby wriggle his way through the birth canal3–4 months

      FAMILY MATTERS: YOU AND YOUR PARTNER

Dealing with Postpartum Blues and Depression

      Somewhere between 50 and 80 percent of new mothers experience periods of mild sadness, weepiness, stress, moodiness, sleep deprivation, loss of appetite, inability to make decisions, anger, or anxiety after the baby is born. These “baby blues,” which many believe are caused by hormonal shifts in a new mother’s body, can last for hours or days, but in most cases they disappear within a few weeks. One researcher, Edward Hagen, claims that postpartum blues has little, if anything, to do with hormones. Instead, he says, it’s connected to low levels of social support—especially from the father. And it could be the new mother’s way of “negotiating” for more involvement. Either way, if you notice that your partner is experiencing any of these symptoms, there’s not much you can do except be supportive. Encourage her to get out of the house for a while and see to it that she’s eating healthily.

      For about 10–20 percent of new moms, postpartum blues can develop into postpartum depression, which is far more serious. Symptoms include:

      • Baby blues that don’t go away after two weeks, or feelings of depression or anger that surface a month or two after the birth.

• Feelings of sadness, doubt, guilt, helplessness, or hopelessness that begin to disrupt your partner’s normal functioning.

      • Inability to sleep when tired, or sleeping most of the time, even when the baby is awake.

      • Marked changes in appetite.

      • Extreme concern and worry about the baby—or lack of interest in the baby and/or other members of the family.

      • Worries that she’ll harm the baby or herself, or threats of doing either one.

      Sadly, a lot of moms who have postpartum depression don’t get the assistance they need—often because they feel too embarrassed to admit to anyone else what they’re feeling. Helping your partner cope with her depression is important for both her and your baby. Depressed new moms are often emotionally withdrawn around their newborns and have trouble taking care of them. Those babies—because they’re such great imitators—mimic their mother’s behavior and become less engaged with the people around them. They also cry and fuss more and are more frightened in new situations.

      If your partner is suffering from postpartum depression, your help is critical. Engaged, involved dads act as “buffers,” shielding their baby from the negative effects of his mother’s condition. Here are some important things you can do to help your partner through this difficult time:

      • Remind her that the depression is not her fault, that you love her and the baby loves her, that she’s doing a great job, and that the two of you will get through this together.

      • Spend more time with the baby and make a special effort to be as upbeat, smiling, expressive, and engaging as possible.

      • Do as much of the housework as you can so she won’t have to worry about not being able to get everything done herself.

      • Encourage her to take breaks—regularly and frequently.

      • Take over enough of the nighttime baby duties so your wife can get at least five hours of uninterrupted sleep. This means that you’ll probably do a feeding or two, which is a great way to get in some extra dad-baby bonding.

      • Help her snack on protein instead of carbohydrates throughout the day. This will help keep her blood sugar levels as even as possible, which will help smooth out her moods. If she doesn’t have much of an appetite, make her a protein-rich shake.

      • If you see that she’s feeling anxious or obsessive, keep her as far away as possible from caffeine and make sure she drinks a lot of water (dehydration has been linked to anxiety).

      • Turn off the TV news, and don’t let her read the news section of the newspaper.

      • Find a support group for her that’s specifically geared for people with postpartum depression. She’ll probably feel safer sharing what’s going on in your house and in her head with others who are going through the same thing.

      • Get regular breaks to relieve your own stress. Yes, she’s relying on you to help her, but if you’re falling apart yourself, you’re not going to do her or anyone else any good.

      One or two out of every thousand new mothers will develop postpartum psychosis. The symptoms usually start right after the birth and are usually immediately recognizable by anyone. They include wild mood swings, hallucinations, being out of touch with reality, doing something to harm herself or the baby, and making crazy or delirious statements. Postpartum psychosis

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