partner has any of these symptoms, put down this book and call her doctor immediately. Fortunately, despite the extensive media coverage of mothers who drown five of their children, the majority of women with postpartum psychosis don’t hurt their babies or anyone else.
Even Guys Get the Blues—and Worse
Although baby blues or depression are almost always associated with women, the fact is that many men also get the blues after their babies are born. In some cases, men’s blues are hormonally based like their partner’s. Canadian researcher Anne Storey found that new fathers’ testosterone levels often drop by as much as a third right after the birth of their children. Since testosterone is involved in energy and mood, lower levels could explain why some men feel a little down. It’s also quite likely that the feelings of sadness, the mood swings, and the anxiety you may be experiencing are the result of facing the stress, the responsibilities, the bills, and the reality of your changing life.
Here’s how author S. Adams Sullivan put it: “The hearty congratulations at work last a few days, but then your status as a celebrity wears off and you begin to notice that you’re coming home every night to a demanding baby and a distraught wife.… You look at your wife and … the healthy, radiant glow that made her beautiful while she was pregnant has disappeared, and you’re tempted to agree with her when she gripes about her looks … you’re getting maybe four and a half hours of sleep, total, and that’s broken up into hour-and-a-half naps, so that you’re nodding off every day at work and falling behind.”
In most cases, your baby blues—like your partner’s—will be gone after a few weeks. But recent research is finding that between 10 and 25 percent of new dads develop actual postpartum depression. Unfortunately, men don’t express their depression the same way women do; we tend to get more angry and anxious than sad. As a result, if you’re feeling depressed, people (including yourself) might not recognize the symptoms and you won’t get the help you need.
According to researcher Sherri Melrose, “left untreated, paternal postpartum depression limits men’s capacity to provide emotional support to their partners and children.” Like moms, dads with postpartum depression are more likely to spank their children and less likely to play with or read, tell stories, or sing to their infants. Their children (especially boys) are more likely to have emotional and behavior problems and more difficulty relating to their peers at age three and a half. And researcher James Paulson found that infants of depressed dads (but not of depressed moms) have smaller vocabularies at age two than those with non-depressed dads.
Breastfeeding Problems
As natural as breastfeeding is, a large percentage of women have some kind of difficulty, ranging from stress and frustration to pain and infection. Researchers at the University of Utah recently discovered that a specific gene called xanthine oxidoreductase (XOR) may actually put some women at risk of developing breastfeeding problems. Most of the time, though, the difficulties are the result of not having been given proper instruction on how to breastfeed. But whether it’s genetic or operator error, the fact remains that women who have problems breastfeeding are far more likely to give it up than those who don’t.
Because breastfeeding is so important to both your baby and your partner, it’s important that you learn about the potential problems and ways of dealing with them. Here are the possibilities:
• Leaky breasts. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Some women’s breasts never leak; others’ do during every feeding or every time they hear their baby cry. It’s most common in the morning when the breasts are at their fullest. Breast leaking peaks during the first few weeks and tapers off over the next few months.
• Sore nipples. Breastfeeding usually takes some getting used to—for the mom and the baby—and a little discomfort is normal. Sore nipples aren’t the result of frequent nursing; rather, they’re usually caused when the baby doesn’t latch on to the breast properly. Untreated, the nipples can go from simply being sore to cracking and bleeding, which can make the entire experience miserable for your partner.
• Engorged breasts. Within a week after giving birth, your partner’s milk will “come in,” and her breasts may become painfully full, swollen, enormous, or hard. She may also develop a low fever. Oddly, this is actually a good thing, because it means that she’s producing milk. Although engorgement is most common during the first few days of breastfeeding, it can happen any time. Painful engorgement can, for example, wake up your partner in the middle of the night. The easy solution to the problem is to empty the breast, either by having the baby do it or by pumping. Unfortunately, it’s sometimes hard for babies to latch on to an engorged breast.
• Clogged ducts. This happens when milk flow within the breast is interrupted and backs up. It can cause uncomfortable lumps inside the breast and hardness, redness, and heat on the skin above the blocked duct. Clogged ducts can be caused by wearing tight bras or from not fully emptying the breast at each feeding. They usually clear up by themselves within a day or two.
• Mastitis. Mastitis is a bacterial infection. It can feel a lot like a clogged duct but is more painful and is often accompanied by fever and/or other flu-like symptoms. It can be caused by not completely emptying the breast, but the number-one reason is lowered resistance to illness, which is the result of exhaustion, stress, and poor diet. Mastitis can develop anytime but is most common during the first month of breastfeeding. Diagnosed early, it’s easy to treat, usually with antibiotics. Untreated, though, it can become an abscess, which has to be drained surgically.
If your partner experiences these or any other problems breastfeeding, she’s going to need as much support from you as possible. In addition to the suggestions on pages 42–43, here’s how you can help:
• Make sure she’s comfortable. A lot of women love breastfeeding pillows, which keep the baby high enough so they don’t have to lean over, and free up their arms. Two very good ones are Boppie and My Brest Friend (I have no idea why they spell it that way, unless they’re World War I fans).
• Encourage her to nurse the baby frequently. She should also change the baby’s position every feeding and have the baby empty the breast.
• Suggest that she cover the breasts with warm, wet compresses for a few minutes before every feeding. If the breasts are engorged, she should try to express some milk before letting the baby latch on. After feedings, try cool compresses. Some women swear that putting cabbage leaves on their breasts after feeding works wonders. Hey, it’s worth a try.
• Buy Lansinoh cream. It helps soothe sore, cracked, and bloody nipples and doesn’t contain any ingredients that could be harmful to the baby.
• Help the baby latch on. The baby should have a great big mouthful of breast, including as much of the areola (the dark part around the nipple) as will fit. Sucking on just the tip of the nipple will hurt.
• To unclog ducts during feedings, massage the area of the clog gently and toward the nipple.
• Call her doctor if she has a fever of 100°F or more. She should check with her doctor if she has pain or other symptoms that persist for more than twenty-four hours. She may need antibiotics.
• Encourage her to continue. The pain can be intense, and she may be tempted to quit, but in many cases, nursing through the problem can help resolve it, whereas stopping can make things worse.
• Call in the pros. If none of these steps help your partner’s pain or discomfort within a few days, she should talk to the pediatrician to get a referral to a lactation consultant. Or, she can contact the La Leche League (www.lalecheleague.org)
