was shot!
They took him back to the hospital area to recover. A few weeks went by and he was talking to one of the other patients. “I still don’t know how that guy knew my name.”
“That’s easy,” answered the patient. “He knew that there were a lot of Americans by that name and was just waiting for any one of them to answer.”
“Well, I’ll be. I never thought of that.”
Johnny couldn’t wait to get back. He planned to pull a trick on them like they did on him. He knew a lot of them were called Frederick so one day when everything was quiet in the trenches he called out, “Hey, Frederick, Frederick.”
“Yeah,” came a voice. “Who is that?”
“It’s me, Johnny!” he shouted.
“Where are you?”
“Right here,” hollered Johnny, as he jumped to his feet. ————
Bang!!!
BUSINESS
1.
Three kids walked into a grocery store and one of them stepped up to the counter.
The grocer said, “Hello, sonny. what can I do for you?”
“I would like to buy five cents worth of jelly beans,” he said.
“All right,” said the grocer and he went to the back and brought out a ladder, climbed up to the top shelf and brought down the jellybean box and weighed out five cents worth of jellybeans.
He climbed back up the ladder and put the box on the shelf. Then he climbed down, put the ladder in the back and coming back to the counter handed the bag of jellybeans to the little boy.
“Here you are, son,” he said with a smile and, turning to the second boy, he asked, “And what would you like, little man?”
The boy answered, “I would like to have five cents worth of jellybeans.”
The grocer stood there a moment looking at him and then headed for the back to get the ladder. He brought the ladder to the front, climbed up to get the box and came down the ladder, weighed out the jellybeans and climbed back up the ladder again with the box.
He placed the box on the shelf and started to go down but stopped. Looking at the third little boy, he asked, “And would you like to have five cents worth of jellybeans, too?”
“No, sir,” answered the little boy.
He climbed down the ladder, put it in the back, came back and handed the second little boy his sack.
Then he turned to the third little boy and asked, “Now then, son, what would you like?”
The little boy answered, “I would like to have three cents worth of jellybeans.”
2.
A man was trying to teach his son the first lesson in business. He put his son on a chair and backed off a step and said, “Now son, jump to papa.” The little boy jumped and he caught him.
Then he put him back on the chair and backed off four steps and said, “Now son, jump to papa.”
The little boy answered, “But, papa, I’m afraid.”
“Just jump,” his papa said.
The little boy jumped, but the papa backed away and let the little fellow smack the floor.
The little boy got up crying and sobbed, “But papa, you didn’t catch me.”
His papa answered, “And that son is your first lesson in business. ————Don’t trust nobody, —————-not even your own papa.”
3.
A boy said to a man, “Mister, if you’ll gimme a nickel my little brother will imitate a chicken.”
“What will he do,” asked the man, “crow like a rooster?”
“Naw, he wouldn’t do anything cheap like that.————- he’ll eat a worm.”
4.
A little boy went to the grocery store. The grocer said, “Hello, son, what would you like?”
“Mith-ter, do you have any bird theed?”
“Yes,” answered the grocer. “But you’re getting big enough to learn how to say it right. Just practice saying bird seed. When you learn you can come back and buy some.”
A few days later the boy was back. The grocer said, “Hello again. What would you like?”
“Mith-ter, I want to buy thum bird-theed.”
“Not yet, son, not yet. But keep trying.”
In a few days he was back. The grocer said with a smile, “Welcome back, sonny, and what would you like?”
“Mith-ter,” he said, “Do you know anybody who wanths to buy a dead bird?”
CARPENTERS (Building)
1.
A man was building an outside fireplace and went to the lumber yard to buy some bricks.
He only needed a dozen to finish the job, but the salesman at the yard told him that when he bought a dozen they gave an extra brick. He said that was a nice idea but he didn’t need it and they could keep it.
When they put his bricks in the bundle, he paid and left the store. He stopped outside to check what he had and discovered that he had the extra brick.
He was frustrated because he didn’t know what to do with it. He went back in the office and told them he didn’t want it. They said that he could do whatever he wanted with it. They didn’t want it back.
He walked out again, stood around for a while and then simply threw it into the air as far as he could throw it and walked off saying, “I wish all my problems were that easy to get rid of.”
2.
A cross country airliner left New York.
They were not fifteen minutes out of the airport when one of the men lit up a cigar. The lady sitting next to him stood it as long as she could and then said, “Sir, if you don’t mind, I would appreciate your not smoking. It makes my eyes burn.”
He replied, “Lady I bought my ticket for the smoking section and I have my rights and intend to exercise them.” and he kept on smoking.
After a while the lady reached under her seat and brought out her cat which had been in a box there. In a few minutes the man began to sneeze.
He turned to her and said, “Lady, please
