kept sneezing and she kept wiping her eyes. Finally, he said, “All right, lady, if you’ll get rid of that cat I’ll get rid of my cigar.”
She agreed and they went to the door of the airplane. He opened the door and she threw out her cat and he threw out his cigar.
They went back to their seats and finished their flight. When they landed in Chicago, she was still grieving about losing her cat.————-
But, as she departed from the plane, she heard a meow and looked over at the wing and saw her cat hanging on to it!
And what do you suppose was in the mouth of the cat?????????
No, not a cigar—————————————It was the brick the man threw up in the air!!!!
3.
Two carpenters were working on a roof. One of them missed the nail and began to slip. He kept sliding until he went over the side, but grabbed the edge with the claw on his hammer and struggled to hold on.
While he was sliding, however, he had hit the other one who started sliding and went over the edge, also. The second one grabbed the leg of the first and hung on.
They hollered and hollered for help. Several minutes passed and they were getting tired.
Finally, the first carpenter looked down at the second and said, “Hey, let go of my leg.”
The second answered, “Unh, uh.”
The first demanded, “I said, let go of my leg.”
The other answered, “Unh, uh.”
The first one hollered, “If you don’t let go of my leg, I’m going to hit you over the head with this hammer!”
4.
Two men were building a house. One of them would pull a nail from his apron, look at it and nail it in——or throw it away. He had a big stack of nails that he had thrown away when the other man came over and asked, “What’s this big stack of nails over here for?”
“Oh,” he answered, “Those are the ones I’ve thrown away.”
“How come?” He answered, “Because the head’s on the wrong end.”
“Well, that’s dumb,” said the other.
“Why?”
“Because they’re for the other side of the house.”
5.
An Italian came to the United States, became a citizen and was so prosperous that he decided to build a mansion. He hired an architect and construction crew and the work began.
After months of work the architect said that the building was ready and he could come over and inspect it.
The owner was thrilled with what he saw. The architect asked if there was anything else that he could think of that he needed.”
“Onlya one thing,” he said, “I don’ta see my Halo Statue.”
“Your what?”
“My Halo Statue. I wouldn’ta want a house without that.”
“I don’t understand,” said the architect, “What’s a Halo Statue?”
“It’sa one of those things that rings and you put it upa by your ear and say, ……………‘Heylo,—- stat—ue?’”
CHANGING TIMES
1.
The times are changing.————even among the Indians.
The old chief was named Chief Flying Eagle.
His son was called Chief Black Hawk.
And his grandson was named Chief F-22.
2.
A farmer was still enjoying his old Model T. One day he started into town but it broke down. He was standing alongside when a man in a big, new Cadillac pulled up.
“Can I help you?” asked the stranger.
“Well, I don’t know what’s wrong,” answered the farmer.
After looking it over for a while, the man in the Cadillac suggested that they just tie the Model T to the back of the Cadillac and he would pull it to town. The farmer agreed and tied it on. “I’ll get in and steer and you go as fast as you want,” he said.
“But how will I know if I’m getting too fast?”
“I’ll just honk the horn and you can slow down.”
“OK,” said the man, “Just honk.”
They started down the road and picked up speed: forty——fifty—-sixty. The farmer was having a hard time so he blew his horn.
But the man in the Cadillac didn’t hear him and just kept speeding up. Now they were going seventy and the farmer laid on his horn.
As they flew by a billboard a policeman was waiting. He stood there a minute or two, then climbed on his motorcycle and pulled out. But he headed in the opposite direction.
He went into town and headed straight for the police station. As he walked in, he took off his gun and badge and laid them on the chief’s desk.
“What’s this?” asked the chief.
“I’m retiring. Right now!” he answered.
“Why,” asked the chief, “What’s wrong?”
“Well, times have changed too much. When I see a new Cadillac going down the road at seventy miles an hour and a Model T in back, honking to pass, then I quit.”
CHURCH
1.
One of the regular members of the church was having a tough time at home. He was a classic insomniac. Night after night he would lie awake for an hour or so before he could get to sleep.
One night it was especially bad. He tried everything, warm milk, relaxing from head to toe, counting sheep. But nothing worked.
Finally, he dressed, went out to the garage and drove his car down to church. He parked, went into the auditorium, took his usual seat on the back row and fell off to sleep, immediately.
2.
Three boys were playing together.
One of them said, “My dad owns the grocery store and I can get food for nothing.” The second said,
“So what? My dad’s a doctor and I can get well for nothing.”
The
