I was in total control.
I managed to fight back the tears for the whole 5 km walk home.
Often the first step is the hardest. Walking away can be really difficult to do but is a strong statement of attitude and intent. It is a positive choice to remove yourself from the situation and not be involved. It might be considered as simply avoiding, but it’s really a lot more than this.
Sometimes it helps to think about friendships and what friendships really are. True friendship is so much more than hanging out with people that you have known since kindergarten or people that live in your street. True friends are people you want to be with and who inspire you to be your best. Friends think of your needs and laugh with you, not at you. What is it that makes a person a true friend?
The following activity will help you identify what it is that makes a friend a true friend.
Think of somebody you admire and are inspired by. It may be a family member, someone famous or someone you know from a local community.
Now, think about what it is you like about this person. Is it their sense of humour? The way they support other people?
Now look at the list of personal qualities below and think of five qualities your person has.
| Adventurous | Assertive | Cheerful |
| Creative | Dependable | Extroverted |
| Friendly | Generous | Genuine |
| Impulsive | Loyal | Open-minded |
| Outgoing | Patient | Positive |
| Receptive | Reserved | Resilient |
| Responsible | Sensitive | Sincere |
| Sociable | Strong | Sympathetic |
| Tolerant | Understanding |
From the five you’ve thought of select the two most important qualities that you seek in a friend.
Lastly, try and identify people of your age and who live nearby that have these qualities – the next step is to think about how you could develop a friendship with one or more of these people.
Although it may feel difficult and uncomfortable, sometimes the best decision in these situations is to leave the friendship group. Of course, there may well be temporary feelings of isolation and loneliness, but the bigger picture is that it won’t be necessary to keep putting up with the bullying that is happening at the moment.
This could also be a time to look at your level of confidence. Writing down a list of achievements and accomplishments provides you with an opportunity to focus on the positive things you have done and will encourage feelings of pride. Maybe it’s success at dancing or acting on stage that’s occurred at some point in your life? Perhaps it’s time to revisit those passions and rekindle the spark that can bring like-minded people together who all share a love and passion, as well as broaden your network of potential friends.
Key points to remember
Remove yourself from a stressful situation.
Identify values you admire in good friends.
Build on your confidence by writing down your accomplishments and achievements with a view to expanding your interests and increasing your friend-ship circles.
#3
Marissa – who receives
nasty, anonymous texts
Type: Cyber
They were too gutless to leave any kind of ID so I had no idea who it was.
I guess maybe in hindsight it wasn’t the smartest thing to do, to go and date Tom, Maddie’s ex-boyfriend; but then again, he was an ‘ex’. Why shouldn’t I? I liked him; he liked me. Maddie was just an online friend. We went to different schools.
Anyway, for a couple of weeks Tom and I had kind of managed to keep it pretty quiet. But then word must have got out as I started to get these random messages on my phone from people I didn’t even know. They were too gutless to leave any kind of ID so I had no idea who they were. I started to look twice at my friends at school, holding back a bit to see if they said anything. I didn’t want to openly confront them as I didn’t want them thinking I was accusing them of something they weren’t doing or maybe didn’t even know about. I guess I wanted to find out on the quiet if it was any of them. It kind of made me tentative all of a sudden. I really liked Tom but started to doubt whether it was worth the hassle. The text messages continued. Sometimes it was just a word or two. ‘Player.’ Once it was, ‘You’re a seagull – scavenging for scraps.’ What could I do? As long as I didn’t know who was sending the texts I was never going to be able to confront them.
There are a number of potential bullying situations that can arise when using mobile phones.
There can be no safe place for anyone unless we each manage when we allow calls to occur and who those calls are from. We own the phone we use and we each need to be the person in charge at all times.
It is also worth looking at who really has the problem. Feel good that you are trying to get on with your own life by following your own inner wisdom. Guess what? It’s not you with the problem, it appears to be the bully’s issue.
It’s perfectly normal for feelings of anxiety to arise when it isn’t known who’s doing this and they are saying such horrible things. Do you feel like you’re beginning to doubt yourself and are less likely to trust your inner judgment?
One good strategy is to just block the sender; they will soon get the message that you are not going to be messed around with and that you have more important things to concentrate on.
Another way to address the situation could be for you to forward the messages on to all of your friends saying something like, ‘Hey, look what I am getting. Can you believe someone would stoop so low? What a joke!’
This would certainly send the message out that you think the person is not worth taking seriously. An added benefit would be that your friends also pick up the vibe that anonymous messages are unacceptable. You are modelling assertive actions for your friends.
Key points to remember
Identify who has the problem…it may not be you.
Block the sender.
Turn your phone off when you don’t want calls.
It may help to forward the messages on in a lighthearted manner, demonstrating that they’re unimportant to you.
#4
Tanisha – who gets the cold shoulder
Type: Covert
Do I walk away, defeated, looking like a loser?
New to the school,
