into relationships before he knows he can trust the person. By referring to his peers as “associates,” Malcolm is distinguishing between casual friends and those “people that [you] really get into deep depth conversation.”2 Malcolm says he “hangs out” with his “associates” but does not share personal thoughts and feelings with them. In each of his interviews, Malcolm claims to have only “associates” but no close or best friends. It is not until his junior year, however, that he begins to clearly articulate why he does not have close or best friends.
In this freshman-year interview, Malcolm mentions that he has had a few girlfriends “here and there” but has never been involved in a long-term relationship. At this point in his life, Malcolm says, he has no interest in staying with “only one girl.” “I just wanna expand mostly, you know? When I see something I like, I try for it, you know.” During this section of the interview, Malcolm and Mike bond as they laugh together about Malcolm’s reluctance to make a commitment to one girl.
What’s your thinking behind that? That you would prefer not to get involved in a relationship but be available to get involved with whatever [sic] comes along?
It’s mostly just testing, testing to see how good you are, really. ’Cause like you know sometimes you might not really like the girl. You might not even want to talk to her. But sometimes something about her that you want to talk to her for. … You know, that’s where me and my boy Paul differ like. ’Cause he got one girl and he’s been with her for a while now—well a few months. But like, see I be thinking to myself—I even told him sometime, “That’s crazy. I can’t do that, man.” I mean just for one girl. I get tired of her.
While describing the subtleties of affection and desire, Malcolm speaks about his unwillingness to enter into a steady relationship with a girl. Although “his boy Paul”3 maintains such a relationship, Malcolm has no interest. Malcolm’s response, unlike his earlier responses, sounds stereotypically adolescent and male.
When asked if he thinks his opinions about girls will change in the future, Malcolm says:
So I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to quit or if I’m, you know, just going to keep going the way I am [seeing many girls at one time].
Do you mind if it just continues to stay this way?
Well, I do mind in a way because I’d rather have a girl that’s trustful, that’s faithful, and trustful and I want to be the same way to her. And have a kid so he can look up to me like that. But then when I be thinking about having a little son. I want him to be able to do the same [as me], but I don’t want him seeing me do that to his mother, though, you know?
Malcolm describes a complex relational dilemma. He understands that he has separate desires, and in order for one set of desires to be fulfilled he may have to sacrifice the other. Although there is a “youthful” quality to Malcolm’s perspective, there is also a certain sophistication: the answer to Mike’s question is not simply “yes” or “no.” Malcolm engages with Mike’s question, tosses it around, weighs the pros and cons of following different paths of action and ends on an unresolved note. Malcolm seems reflective, forthcoming, and honest during this freshman-year interview.
When asked about his feelings about sex, Malcolm moves into what sounds like a “cool” voice:
What is sex for you?
Well, I don’t really know how to put it but like … it makes you feel more relaxed so after a while you can’t really—I can’t really say that I put all my feelings into it. But like when I do it, it’s like it’s mostly like an accomplishment. Where like, I, in my mind, I be like, “Yeah, I got that.” You know I won’t go around telling. But sometimes like, if a dude asks you, you know, I be like, “Yeah, I been with her,” and stuff like that. You know certain girls—I mean certain dudes’ll look up to you like if you got a real fine girl. And you know for yourself that’d be an accomplishment because you want it. But see they’ll look up to you, be like, “Yeah, he must be good because he got her.”
Similar to his relationships with his “associates,” Malcolm says he doesn’t “put all [his] feelings” into his sexual relations. Even when he admits to getting emotionally involved in sex, his focus immediately shifts to speaking about sex as an achievement. He perceives “getting certain girls” as a route toward gaining both self-respect and respect from his peers, although the respect from his peers does not seem to enhance or lead to close male friendships. He wants his peers’ approval even though he keeps his distance from them.
Malcolm claims that he uses condoms most of the time because he is afraid of getting AIDS but does not use condoms with girls who he “knows are faithful.” With those particular girls, however, he worries about getting them pregnant. Yet, if that happened, he says he would let the girl choose whether to have an abortion:
It sounds like pregnancy’s not that much of an issue because you wouldn’t mind really being a father.
Yeah, it’s not like I’m trying to get one ’cause, you know, if that happens, you know. I’m there.
So it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?
So, I wouldn’t really—so, what I’m saying, I wouldn’t mess around with somebody, you know, and try and mess up and make that mistake with somebody I don’t even really care about, or don’t really like.
Malcolm’s ambivalence about having a child is palpable as he states in one moment that while he is not trying to have a child, he would “be there” if he were to become a father; and in another moment, that although it would be a “mistake” to have a child, he would not want to make such a “mistake” with someone for whom he did not care. Given such uncertainty, Malcolm seems more likely to become a father at a younger age than his male peers in the study who, like the Hispanic boy in the poster, were unambivalent about not wanting to have children. Malcolm will, in fact, become a father by his junior year.
When asked about high-risk behavior such as drug and alcohol use, Malcolm says that he currently smokes marijuana and occasionally drinks alcohol because, like sex, it relaxes him. He would never try drugs such as cocaine or crack because he has seen the “statistics” and knows how dangerous those drugs can be. He has, nonetheless, sold drugs a few times in the past and admits to having stolen coats, pants, hats, and gloves and then selling them to make money. He has recently stopped these illegal dealings because he grew too worried about getting caught and because he found a job. What seems particularly noteworthy about Malcolm’s confessions is that despite his past and current involvement in risky behavior, he is also an adolescent boy who takes care of his family and works two jobs when necessary.
Among his current role models, Malcolm mentions rap artists such as Public Enemy because they “get positive messages across.” Unlike many of the role models of the teens interviewed, Malcolm’s role models are not his immediate or extended family members, but rather people whom he admires because they put “knowledge into words that flow.” He thinks that rap is an important way to get messages across that “tell the truth about how things really are”: “Even though some people use profanity, they’re still telling the truth. Some adults, black, white, whatever it may be, they don’t even understand that. They just think they’re kicking out profanity. That’s all they pick up.” Malcolm strongly believes that rap music can offer people much more than most adults are willing or able to grasp. He hopes to be able to become a rap artist in the future to convey his own messages in a powerful medium. He wants to speak out about the realities of his world. Malcolm’s passion and intent to express himself in the world and
