satisfied with his grades, which are mostly B’s and C’s. He emphasizes to Mike that he firmly believes that his grades are important and admits that he hopes to get better grades next year:
I used to think to myself, like, “This quarter, I can mess up.” But now I’m thinking, you know, mostly it’s just better to do good all quarters and try to like, you know, it’s really a thing trying to impress. You know what I’m saying? So they know who you are. They recognize you better.
Who’s they?
Like upper people that be looking down at the schools or children. Like, “Yeah, have him work for me.” When you go out and try to get a summer job, you be able to show them that you can back up your word.
Malcolm’s wish for recognition by the “upper people” is evident in each of his interviews and, in fact, is met in his junior year when his teachers place him on the honor roll. His belief in the importance of good grades and his search for recognition eventually appear to pay off.
When Mike asks Malcolm about his plans after high school, he says: “Well, I’m trying to get this rap thing started. But I’m just gonna go to school as long as I can. Just keep thinking positive—try to get as much info as I can—expand my vocabulary.” Malcolm repeatedly discusses his desire to “think positively” and to learn new words to effectively convey positive messages. “I feel as long as I expand my vocabulary, I’m able to get a positive message across.” Developing his ability to express himself is a critical component of how Malcolm sees himself gaining power or making a difference in the world.
When asked what he fears most about the future, Malcolm says his mother’s death as well as the consequences of his own death for his mother:
Do you fear your own death?
Not really. … I just be thinking how, I want to leave them. And then I be thinking, you know, if—if I ever die before my mother, you know, that hurt her a lot. That’s why I try to just not really think about that.
In keeping with his positive outlook, Malcolm avoids thinking about that which he most fears. Fearing death and the death of one’s parents or family members, and maintaining a positive attitude, was a theme in all of the adolescents’ interviews and is the focus of chapter 7.
Asked about whether “life is worth living,” Malcolm states:
I like to live because I feel like I want to be able to experience a lot of things, you know. And be able to give back what I’ve received.
So getting a lot out of life and then giving something back?
Yeah, like from where I’ve grown up. ’Cause times are hard for some people. And I’d rather be a—I ain’t gonna try to be no, um, whatcha call him—Martin Luther King—nothing like that. But I’m gonna try, myself, to do anything I can.
What would you like to give back?
Well, you know, I just like if I make it big—if I have dough—I’d rather be able to start some kind of scholarship or something like that. I would like to just help in the community. Start up, you know, new gangs, help with clubs or something like that, you know, parks and stuff.
Malcolm’s determination to spread his “positive messages” is, once again, evident. Although he is quick to point out that he does not have grandiose dreams for himself, he does have dreams, and they include “giving back” to his community.
I am drawn to Malcolm’s reflectiveness, sensitivity, and intelligence as I listen to his freshman-year interview. His perspectives sound “young” at times, but also sophisticated. He thinks about his life ending but worries about the effects of his death on his mother. He does not have close peer relationships but seems aware of the complexities of close relationships. He uses marijuana and has a history of delinquent behavior but remains mindful of gradations of risk and is responsible at home and at school. Malcolm represents himself as resisting simplistic classifications and in need of respect:
Okay, anything else about you that I didn’t ask that would be important to know in knowing who you are?
Just, you know, as long as you can respect me and I respect you and, after that, everything comes. We be cool.
So respect is a big thing for you?
Yeah.
Malcolm’s Sophomore Year
In Malcolm’s sophomore year, he is again interviewed by Mike in the “piano” room. Malcolm still has the same appearance as in the previous year, only his hair is now cut in a “fade” in keeping with current fashion. Malcolm seems more confident this year as he virtually struts into the room and sits down in a chair he has nearly outgrown. He begins the interview by telling Mike that he still lives with his mother and younger sister and “nothing particularly” has changed over the past year except that his mother now works as a receptionist at a local hospital.
When Mike asks Malcolm about his relationship with his mother this year, Malcolm says:
We, like, respect each other. We don’t communicate too much on certain things. Some things you know we—I talk with my friends or whoever. But we talk about certain things, you know, like she communicates. She’s sick of something, she tells me. And she tells my sister too ’cause she doesn’t want nothing to be a surprise. She goes to work. That’s really influenced me ’cause she proves to me that she’s strong. She doesn’t have the best of health, but she feels that she’s strong. She goes to work, gets up, like that.
Malcolm’s response conveys a closeness to his mother although he still maintains certain boundaries within this relationship. He admires and respects her strength, worries about her health, and seems to appreciate her frankness. It is unclear, however, whether Malcolm reciprocates this directness. Malcolm once again says his relationship with his mother is the most important of all of his relationships: “It’s just my mother ’cause she’s the one really supporting me and stuff, you know. None of [my friends or girlfriend] are.”
Malcolm’s mother, however, doesn’t always support him:
Last night I cooked for everybody—my mother and I ate and my—my mother’s friend came over ’cause he was watching my little nephew. So then he ate, you know. Then my sister comes in with McDonald’s almost every night and stuff. Eating that nasty stuff too much.
So she doesn’t really eat at home that much?
No, like she keeps getting stuff to drink, bringing it up to her room, leaving it there. And she don’t clean up and then when my mother argues about no one cleaning, that’s not true and that’s what gets me mad. That’s really the only thing. Because you know I clean because I see my mother working and sometimes she like works three to eleven and then sometimes she works a double shift so she don’t get off until seven in the morning. So then, you know, I be trying to clean up, but I can’t be all cleaning, plus doing my schoolwork. Then I have the responsibility of the dog … I walk her myself and stuff like that.
Malcolm’s frustration with his sister’s behavior and his mother’s accusations, as well as his desire to take care of his mother, and perhaps his
