• Make sure to send thank-you notes or emails to people who meet with you and remind them to provide any other helpful contacts.
• On your computer or in a notebook, keep track of those you meet with and the outcome of each discussion. Use this document to add contacts, phone numbers, and email addresses of anyone who may assist you as you build your network.
Recommended Resources for Finding Work You Love
• Richard Bolles, What Color Is Your Parachute? 2018: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers (Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press, 2017): This helpful manual shares proven tips for writing impressive résumés and cover letters, as well as guidance for effective networking, confident interviewing, and the best salary negotiating possible. But it goes beyond that by helping you to zero in on your ideal job — and guiding you toward fulfilling and prosperous work.
• Chris Guillebeau, Born for This: How to Find the Work You Were Meant to Do (New York: Crown Business, 2016): The intersection of joy, money, and flow is what Guillebeau will help you find in this book. Through inspiring stories of those who have successfully landed their dream career, as well as actionable tools, exercises, and thought experiments, he’ll guide you through today’s vast menu of career options to discover the work perfectly suited to your unique interests, skills, and experiences.
• Women for Hire (www.womenforhire.com): This site is geared to women returning to the workforce.
• PathSource (www.pathsource.com): Find a career, build a résumé, and post a job on this site.
• More (www.more.com/money/career-advice): A magazine roundup of career advice for women.
• DailyWorth (www.dailyworth.com): Financial advice geared to women.
The greatest gift you can give your children now is your mindful awareness of how they are feeling. Children faced with divorce need to know that they are safe and loved, by both parents. Even if your husband is a louse, do not bad-mouth him in front of your children. It will backfire. And do not use your children as therapists, even if they seem capable of listening and giving good advice. That is what a therapist is for. Let your children be children, while you attend to grown-up tasks.
WISE WOMEN KNOW
You are only as happy as your least-happy child.
DOCUMENT ANY INSTANCES OF ABUSE
Judges consider domestic violence (against you or your children) when making custody orders. Keep a diary of any instances of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse of you or your children with specific reference to dates, times, places, and details of what happened. In the legal system, specificity is required to prove your case. General allegations of abuse will not meet the legal standard. Your lawyer will ask you to keep a written record if abuse is an issue in your case, so start now.
MAXIMIZE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Maximize your time with your children as you prepare for divorce. This is not only the right thing to do, it is the smart thing to do. Judges tend to enforce the status quo when making orders concerning custody and visitation and when ordering parenting plans, which means a judge is likely to maintain the parenting routine that is in place, absent abuse. So, before you file for divorce, implement the plan you want ordered. I had a client who changed her work schedule to allow her to work from home several days a week and spend more time with her five-year-old daughter. When the judge ordered the parenting plan, my client benefited greatly from the changes to her schedule that she implemented before filing for divorce.
INSIDER TIP
Dads often insist on more time with the kids when divorce is imminent. Why? Usually because the more time he spends with the kids, the less he will pay in child support. Set your desired time with the kids before you file for divorce, since most judges enforce the status quo.
It’s not necessary to explain to your boss that you are requesting the adjustment to your schedule because you are divorcing; rather, tell your boss that you will be more productive if you work from home on certain days. In today’s workplace, it is common to telecommute, and it is understood that it can increase productivity, particularly for parents of school-age children. Most employers recognize that telecommuting boosts productivity, performance, job satisfaction, and overall life satisfaction. You can use this to your advantage as you set the “status quo” and manage your work/life balance.
If you are considering moving out of your home before filing for divorce, consult with an attorney first, since this can have significant financial implications and affect custody. Moving out constitutes the “date of separation” in many but not all states. The date of separation is typically defined as when spouses have come to a parting of the ways with no intention to continue the marriage. Although states vary as to how they define date of separation, the couple’s conduct must evidence a complete and final break in the marriage.
Up until the date of separation, a spouse may be entitled to the property acquired or share the debt incurred by the other spouse. The following example illustrates the importance of understanding the date of separation and how it can affect your finances. Mary’s husband was about to receive a multimillion-dollar bonus. After thirty-three years of marriage, he tapped her on the shoulder one morning and told her he was moving out. He received the bonus the next day. His lawyer claimed that because he had moved out, the bonus was his separate property. However, because he earned it before he moved out, Mary was entitled to half of it.
INSIDER TIP
If you want to keep the house after the divorce, you may want to consider refinancing to lower the mortgage payment, and if so, consider doing this before the divorce is finalized so that you can use your husband’s credit history, if it is good. He may agree to do this so that you and the children can remain in the family home.
The date of separation can determine when a spouse becomes responsible for child support and spousal support. For example, if a husband who earns all the household income moves out of the marital residence, a court can order him to pay temporary child support and alimony from the date he left. In some states, however, a spouse may only be eligible for child support or alimony after filing for divorce and asking for support.
Moving can also impact your custody rights. If you have young children and move out of the family home, it may be more difficult to get the parenting plan you want. Some judges tend to rule in favor of keeping the children in the family home with
