matters concerning you and your children. Sadly, the process can be abused by certain “professionals” who earn their living billing by the hour and who benefit by dragging out your case. Some take unnecessary actions to pad their bill.
However, many divorces are simply not amenable to mediation or the collaborative approach — if, for example, one of the parties suffers from a mental disorder or addiction, is completely unwilling to be reasonable, or is stalling as a tactic. In these cases, traditional litigation is the answer. If that applies to you, it is imperative that you find a skilled and trustworthy advocate to represent you.
A good divorce attorney will go to court only when necessary and will maneuver the case into settlement mode as soon as possible. Hiring a lawyer does not mean that you will go to trial, but you have that option available in the event your spouse is completely unreasonable. Court-imposed deadlines will also move your case along, which is particularly advantageous if your spouse is delaying on purpose or you are concerned that he is dissipating assets.
When I represent a client in traditional litigation, I am looking out for her best interests and simultaneously looking for an opportunity to move the case into settlement mode — often using a retired judge to act as a mediator. This approach blends the best attributes of mediation and collaboration, but affords my client strong representation and protection of her rights. If you go down the traditional litigation path, these are the attributes you want. Below and in chapter 2, I provide the secrets for finding a winning attorney.
Begin building your divorce team. Whether you mediate, collaborate, or go the traditional route, in most cases you will want to hire a good lawyer to advise you along the way. You will benefit from employing a team approach to your divorce. Think of it this way: When you married, you probably had a wedding planner, florist, caterer, hairdresser, DJ, and photographer. Your team made certain that everything came together according to your wishes on your wedding day.
Likewise, if you have assets and/or children, you will need a trusted team working together to obtain what you want. Your team may include an attorney, financial adviser, tax adviser (probably not the same adviser you currently use for your family), and therapist (for both you and your children). You do not need to get all these professionals on board immediately, but it is smart to begin taking steps to locate the right professionals.
The risks of not doing this right away are huge. I had a client, Patricia, who had been married for thirty-four years. Patricia, her husband, and their four children were the picture of the “perfect” family. Her husband was a successful businessman who was also a leader in their church. During their marriage, Patricia focused on raising the family and doing charitable work, while her husband built his multimillion-dollar real estate business. Their marriage began to crumble when the children left home for college and Patricia realized that she was unfulfilled.
Patricia trusted her husband to divide everything up fairly, so she didn’t retain a lawyer. Because he was a devout church leader and had always handled the finances, she assumed that he would do the right thing and she would be taken care of. She ended up in my office after she signed a marital settlement agreement dividing the assets and setting spousal support, which her husband prepared. He convinced her to accept spousal support of $4,000 per month, terminating after ten years. She gave up her right to half his million-dollar pension, her interest in his business, and permanent spousal support of over $11,000 per month. In short, the churchgoing man she had been married to for over three decades and whom she trusted to look out for her best interests attempted to swindle her out of millions of dollars and her financial security. She finally realized, days before the judgment was entered, that she had given up her future financial security because she had trusted her husband. It took her months of energy and effort, not to mention tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees, to repair the damage and get what was due to her. Do not be naïve. Take steps to locate a good lawyer now.
Finding a good lawyer takes legwork. I suggest asking for referrals and then interviewing at least three divorce lawyers before deciding.
ASK YOUR DIVORCED FRIENDS FOR REFERRALS
An effective way to get information about the lawyers in your community is to ask divorced friends for referrals. Ask the following questions:
• How much did the attorney charge for a retainer (the amount to start the case), and how much did they charge per hour? You will know immediately whether you can afford to retain this lawyer. I am often asked how much it will cost to get divorced. It is impossible to quantify because it depends on how reasonable and how litigious the spouse is. But your lawyer can go to court and request that your husband pay your attorney’s fees (and forensic accountant’s fees) and costs. The court will insist upon evidence that your spouse has the resources to pay both his fees and yours before ordering him to do so. So keep these factors in mind when considering the expense of a lawyer.
• Did the lawyer return their calls and emails within twenty-four hours? You want a responsive attorney.
• How happy was your friend with the amount of support ordered and the division of assets? Happy clients are a good measure of an attorney’s skill.
• How did the lawyer handle issues concerning children? Some lawyers are skilled in this area, and others are not.
• How often did the lawyer go to court and were they effective in obtaining the relief sought? The best attorneys will attempt to resolve issues without going to court and will use court as a last resort, but they will have the skills to obtain what is necessary if the other side is unreasonable.
• Did the lawyer do a good job preparing your friend for court appearances? Court appearances can be emotionally difficult, and you are often put on the spot around a variety of topics. A good lawyer helps clients know what might be coming and how to answer tough questions.
• Will the lawyer allow you to negotiate directly with your husband? Some lawyers will discourage this because they don’t want the case to end. Timing is key here, but if your lawyer has done a good job setting the “guardrails” in the case (for example, had an early victory obtaining temporary support), sometimes a deal can be struck between the parties, without the lawyers’ involvement.
• Did the lawyer send a monthly bill that was easy to understand and in the range anticipated? If not, how did the lawyer handle questions about the bill?
• Does the lawyer have a paralegal or assistant who will handle the clerical tasks at a lower rate than the attorney? This will decrease your legal bill, but still get the job done.
• How long did the divorce take? Most divorces can be finalized in a year or less. If all the attorney’s cases take years to resolve, the lawyer may be dragging them out unnecessarily.
INSIDER TIP
Do not assume that because an attorney charges more or has a fancy office that he or she is a better attorney. Not necessarily so. They may only
