I shared a little bit of my life, which included a challenging time I was presently going through. I told Rees that I was taking care of my mom, with whom I was very close, because she had advancing Alzheimer’s. I then got a glimpse into Rees’s life at home as she explained that she, too, was very close with her mom. I didn’t realize our conversation meant anything to Rees until a few weeks later when she asked if she could work with my mom for her community service project that was required of all of our students. For several days after school the two of them sat together and did crafts. My mom beamed with joy because she loved working with students, and my student’s eyes and heart began to soften.
Love, through respect and a genuine interest in Rees’s life and education, helped me to chisel some necessary tough spots away to get at the heart of this amazing young woman who was hiding behind a past of hurt, loss, fighting, and betrayal. As a result, I watched her blossom as she began to develop appropriate social skills, respect herself, and achieve academically.
Mrs. Hipple said the positive change she witnessed in this student was based on love. We rarely hear the word love used in the context of educational strategies or best practices. In fact, some educators may be tempted to roll their eyes at the presentation of love as a premise for academic success. This may be a natural response, but we know that a correlation exists between connection or building relationships with our students, and academic achievement (Marzano, McNulty, & Waters, 2005; Pianta, 2001). Furthermore, wouldn’t you agree that most relationships or connections between human beings are built on love? I’m not referring to romantic love, but this is where most of our minds go when we conjure up the meaning. Perhaps this is why educators hesitate to use the word love, at least professionally, that is. Yet the idea that approaching our students and colleagues from a place of love is the cornerstone for connection.
Consider this: If love is the basis for our attitudes and our actions, it is a foundational platform on which to connect with the hearts of others in a promising and productive way. Unfortunately, many people tend to respond to life situations from a place of fear, as opposed to love. The emotion of fear leads to reservation, withdrawal, loneliness, depression, judgment, and anger; these are behaviors that do not foster relationship building, nor do they inspire effective teaching, engaged learning, productive citizens, or the academic achievement that tends to be the ultimate measure of a successful educational mission.
Love, by contrast, does all these things, because it leads to kindness, acceptance, forgiveness, joy, and hope. If given the choice, most would choose love; however, in real-life situations it is often more natural to let fear control our responses. To focus on love, one must be intentional. To do this, we must use love as a verb, an action word. Fourteen-year-old Robby Novak, known to many as the Internet sensation Kid President, has articulated this concept quite well in his quest to encourage others to change the world. He says, “[I]t takes one person filled with love and they just have to live it out, and then that person is filled with love . . . and it goes on, and on and on” (Soul Pancake, 2013).
It Must Start Within
What does it look like to be filled with love and live it out? Well, I have to state the obvious: It must start within. If we do not love and care for ourselves, how can we possibly love and care for others? Please take a moment to think about how you choose to show yourself love. Do you take care of yourself? Do you honor yourself enough to carve out time to slow down, relax, and breathe? Do you exercise or meditate? Do you eat well? Do you surround yourself with people who make you better just by being in their presence? Do you think positively of yourself? Do you laugh enough? Do you allow yourself to cry when hurting? These are a few ways to show ourselves love. What do you do? Please jot down your thoughts in this regard (see Figure 2.1).
Figure 2.1
Copyright © 2019 by Corwin. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Start With the Heart: Igniting Hope in Schools Through Social and Emotional Learning by Michelle L. Trujillo. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin, www.corwin.com. Reproduction authorized for educational use by educators, local school sites, and/or noncommercial or nonprofit entities that have purchased the book.
Self-reflection can be challenging, yet it is something that we often ask our students to do, so it is important that we practice it ourselves. More than that, though, when we reflect, we can learn from ourselves and choose to grow. For example, if you had difficulty identifying how you show love for yourself, then you might do well to make some changes in your life. Take time to talk to a friend or family member to get an objective opinion of how you might develop this awareness. At the same time, if ideas flowed easily for you, then you are in a fantastic place to begin to sincerely show others love. In fact, this might come naturally. We show sincere love by practicing respect, offering kindness, and granting forgiveness. We also show love by having high expectations, as well as by providing boundaries, because in doing so we demonstrate that we believe in the ability of others to meet their potential and that, within our care, they will be safe. Finally, although it may seem obvious, once we sincerely and consistently show love, we can begin to use the word love. Yes, even in the world of education!
We Showed Them by Our Actions
When I was the administrator for an alternative education high school, every day when my students entered the building and every day on their way out the door, my staff and I would slap high fives, shake hands, and offer fist bumps as we said, “Good morning, we love you. We’re glad you’re here today!” Or “Good-bye. We love you! See you tomorrow!” Often, too, I would jump on each bus, before they pulled out to take our students home, just to say, “Oh, and, one more thing . . . I love you!” and all of our wonderfully tough, sometimes scarred, always hopeful students would shout back, “We love you too, Mrs. T!” If ever there was a new student, and often there was, he or she would look around the bus, like, “Have you all lost your minds?! Who is this crazy woman? And, did you really say, ‘We love you’ back?” Inevitably a student would respond with, “I know, right? But just wait, you’ll see.” And this was said with confidence, because our students did “see” our love every day. We showed them by our actions, and as a result, when we told them we loved them, they believed us. For some of them, hearing and believing that someone loved them happened only at school. Continuing to hear that they were loved, and continuing to see us demonstrate our love by our respecting them, holding them to high expectations, and helping them achieve their goals gave these students permission to begin to love themselves. This is an example of how, as Robby Novak says, love can be “lived out” at school.
Living love can also become real when we simply make an effort to authentically connect with other human beings. Although many of us could say we know “how” to connect with others, I would suggest that we must also then admit that we sometimes get caught up in the demands of our jobs and we tend to forget the little things that help us show others that we care and that they matter. In the world of education today, every one of us, from superintendents to support staff, feels overwhelmed at times. And this feeling doesn’t seem to be slowing down or lessening any time soon. Expectations and requirements continue to increase for educators while the amount of time we have to meet these challenges stays the same. Yet we can’t lose sight of the human beings who are the students behind test scores or subpopulations, nor those who are staff members behind stacks of papers or ineffective evaluations. We will find more meaning and fulfillment in our vocations when we take just a moment to be human: by greeting students as they arrive at school and using their names while doing so or by stopping a colleague in the hall to check in and say hello. Every act of
