as an adult, Jaime has been in a live-in, committed relationship for the past four years. He credits his girlfriend as his greatest positive influence. Socially, he says he was always an introvert and still prefers just a small number of friends.
My partner has helped me so much in understanding NT (neurotypical) mentality. She explains the “whys” with logic and rationale in addition to appealing to my sensibilities. With a lot of training, she has helped me perform mundane tasks in a logical fashion, meanwhile acknowledging my unique talents.
Because I find it difficult to understand social contexts and cues, my attempts at increasing my social world have not really worked out well. I prefer to have just a few friends. These friends do not seem to care about adhering to social norms and they accept me for my uniqueness.
Jaime has also struggled with problems in his relationship that resulted from his intense interest in online video gaming.
I enjoy playing online games and it sometimes becomes a problem. My partner noticed that I get too zoned into the game, and she has brought it to my attention. Once I am in the game, I cannot easily leave its grasp on my attention. She has helped teach me how to pay attention to what other things are going on around me in addition to the game.
Jaime lives independently and finds some aspects of adult life easier than others.
I have never had any difficulty living on my own. I manage my money and do quite well at it. I shop for myself but do have difficulty discerning what is fashionable and what is not. I taught myself enough cooking to get by, but rarely do it. My housekeeping isn’t exactly spotless, but my places of residence were never really messy. I don’t notice minor splotches or messes when vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom, but I’ve improved over time in that area.
MARTHA, 57
Clerk in the Science Department at Sacramento City College Diagnosed with Asperger’s
In my mid 30s a therapist I was seeing told me I might have Asperger’s and I asked him what I could do about it. He said, “Nothing.” At that time there was no Internet and it did not occur to me to research it further. Since “nothing could be done about it,” I thought the diagnosis was useless at the time and just put it out of my mind. Then a few years later I heard about Asperger’s again during an NPR story about Temple Grandin. By then, I was able to go online to learn more. I realized I had finally found the explanation for the difficulties I have had all my life.
A different therapist, who treats others on the spectrum, then confirmed my diagnosis a few years later. I also deal with depression and anxiety and most likely some ADHD.
Martha learned important life skills as a teen and young adult.
My first volunteer work was visiting patients at a nursing home when I was about 16. Later, in my 20s, I helped tutor people who were learning English. I’ve kept up volunteer work throughout my life. For many years I worked with Friends of the California State Fair. I prepared the monthly newsletter and was the board secretary at one point. I have also been active in church and still help out as an usher.
Martha’s family background was not very nurturing, but she recalls two positive influences outside her family. When one became increasingly sexually inappropriate with her, she ended the relationship, but she still credits him with teaching her important life and work skills.
There was a man I worked for when I was a teenager in the 1970s. At the time I needed a job and was going into as many shops as I could looking for one. I would go repeatedly if they said “no” the first time. The third time I went into this man’s shop he hired me, saying he was impressed that I was so persistent. It was a radio and TV repair shop, back in the days when there were lots of shelves full of “tubes” that had to be stored and inventoried. I understood the work quickly and was a natural because it required a lot of attention to detail. I wasn’t as good with customer service, but he taught me how to appropriately answer the phone and interact with customers.
Martha has struggled socially, but at this point in her life has found a comfortable amount of connection with others through her work and with members of her church.
I developed absolutely no friendships during my college days. I have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship. I have had female friends off and on over the years.
Often when I am in a group, I feel that I am invisible. Or that I talk too much and people just tolerate or ignore me. I do not enjoy parties or other group activities and, as I have gotten older, I have learned that I have the right to decline invitations to events that I find overwhelming or where I know I am not going to fit in or enjoy myself.
One advantage to my current workplace is that I have a lot of social interaction with the faculty here, and because it is in a rather structured environment, it is just the right amount of social life for me and not threatening or oppressive. I have also become very bonded with my cat and get a lot of enjoyment out of her closeness and companionship.
Martha’s work has been a success on multiple levels and is a good example of how important a good fit is at work. Later in the book, we’ll tell you more about her vocational journey and its twists and turns. Her example of continually moving forward in spite of obstacles and a serious setback is inspiring.
I have worked in my current job since 1999. I spend most of my time around science faculty. This is the first job I have had where I am respected for my intellect and skills and not resented or bullied for my quirks. Over the years I have gotten very close to most of the faculty and consider them more as family than as coworkers. I also like the fact that I can manage my time at work independently without a lot of close supervision, and that I can come to work dressed comfortably.
I also appreciate that I work later hours so I don’t have to get going too early in the morning. And I appreciate that we have a lot of time off, and that the school year ebbs and flows, so there are busy times which are relieved by quieter times.
COSETTE, 18
College student and aspiring illustrator, currently selling her art on Etsy.com Diagnosed with Asperger’s at age six
Cosette was referred to Debra’s practice by her pediatric neurologist for further evaluation and testing. Her assessment confirmed a diagnosis of Asperger’s Disorder. Intelligence testing showed Cosette was very bright—her overall intelligence was in the superior range. It also revealed that she was faster and more accurate at grasping nonverbal concepts, such as shapes and designs, than 99.9% of her peers! Now, on the brink of adulthood, she is using this strength to pursue the avocation of illustrator, and at the age of 18 is already selling some of her work online and at anime and comic con conventions.
Cosette started life with many struggles, and is a great example of a child who needed and benefited greatly from some extra help and guidance. Without the ongoing direct influence and direction of her parents, it’s unlikely she would have automatically picked up the skills required for the adolescence she ended up having. It is doubtful she would have been poised for the adulthood that now appears to await her.
Her mother, Stephanie, recalls some of the gut-wrenching beginnings.
Cosette was like a cat when she was a wee one. She only wanted to be held when she wanted it. She hated to be swaddled. She preferred floor time to lap time. She had tantrums and retreated into a “turtle” position when she was upset. She and I had many problems with defiance and anger. When she started talking, she had echolalia and inappropriate speech. She had horrible sensory problems—everything
