you familiar with the The Miracle Worker? There is a scene in the movie where Annie and Helen are locked in the dining room while the anxious family hovers outside. Anne finally comes out, disheveled and with egg in her hair, and simply says, “She folded her napkin.” We had many days like that when Cosette was young. Getting through the day sometimes was hard for both of us, but we kept “folding the napkin.”
Cosette’s parents tried many approaches, some more successful than others. Academically, at various points they tried mainstreaming, special education, and even transferring her to a different school. Bullying was a problem. They later found out one of her teachers had been a “yeller” and Cosette had hung in “teeth and toenails” in that noisy class, always exhausted by day’s end.
Therapeutically, everything from stickers and charts to PCIT (Parent/Child Interactive Therapy) and social skills groups was tried. Often Cosette outsmarted the adults and was known to pronounce interventions “time wasters.”
We did the best we could with the knowledge and resources we had. The most important thing we did was and is to love her unconditionally. I like Cosette. She is an amazing young woman.
Cosette currently attends community college, while also accumulating a portfolio of her artwork and selling drawings at local conventions and her neighborhood used bookstore. You’ll read more about the path she took from being a kid in elementary school who liked to draw for her schoolmates, to one that now has her doing commissioned pieces for groups, and most recently, a software company.
DANIEL, 25
Graduate of Brigham Young University, with an M.S. in Math Diagnosed with Asperger’s at age nine
When first interviewed, Daniel was in limbo between graduating and struggling to find employment in his chosen field. After college he had moved back in with his parents, then relocated to a larger town better suited for vocational opportunities. He moved in with his brother, who was already living there. He just learned that he has been invited to participate in training for a position with SAP, a German-owed software company that operates in over 130 countries.
This company specifically looks for employees with autism, with a hiring goal of 2% of their workforce being on the spectrum. Daniel hopes to use his skills in mathematical data analysis, a key component of the corporation’s services. Daniel says he was always good at math. His father, John, chuckled as he recalled his son once saying, “Math is my first language. In fact, I’ve been doing math my whole life. When I was conceived as a cell, I was already multiplying and dividing!”
His story is an example of how “it takes a village.”
My brother David is good with computers. He inspired me to start teaching myself to program. I was raised Mormon. I was in the Boy Scouts, which is really integrated with our church. Becoming an Eagle Scout is fairly rare, but it was expected. The church had camps where you work on your merit badges and where they don’t have Internet— that helped a lot. Later a family friend helped me get a job tutoring. When I was in college, my parents talked with my professor once weekly and that helped me stay on task.
Belonging to a close-knit faith community exposed Daniel to many supportive adults who knew him and his family well. John, his father, was his Boy Scout troop leader, and said, “A lot of people knew him since he was born, so they had him figured out.” Nancy, his mother, described a rocky journey with others who didn’t quite understand her son.
He did OK in preschool because it was a “parent co-op” setting with just 24 kids, a teacher, and six different parents in the classroom who all knew him. His teacher simply said, “He just marches to a different drummer.” But in regular school they weren’t flexible and then the real problems started. He’s rigid—his teacher can’t be rigid too! In sixth grade, the school district talked to his psychologist and placed him at a special education school that worked with children who had been unsuccessful in regular school. The staff there worked with him instead of against him. He stayed three years then transferred to regular high school. He was our fifth child in that school —they’d worked out the bugs with our other kids so they just said, “Tell us what you need!”
Daniel and his family also had the help of professionals, both for diagnosis and treatment. A clinical psychologist evaluated him and then met mostly with Nancy to help her get through difficult challenges throughout the years. Daniel also attended social-relational skills groups where he was able to make friends and progress socially.
When it came time for Daniel to attend college, both parents recommended BYU due to its reputation of expecting high standards both academically and morally, as well as its Accessibility Center. During college, Daniel used their assistance in several ways (which will be detailed later). Upon graduation he also used the resources of the CA Department of Rehabilitation, which his mother Nancy had learned of through a support group for parents of children with autism.
Daniel and both parents realize that challenges remain, primarily in the area of self-motivation and planning. They each commented on how generous their son is, and how he wants to make enough money to donate to charity. They know he’ll continue to need support and guidance to reach his goals. His mom credits his siblings with continuing to be a support to him and says, “We’re not giving him a choice. He will move forward. We’re not giving up.”
SARAH, 36
Wildlife Biologist, B.A. in Environmental Science Diagnosed with Asperger’s
Sarah is a good example of how mentors, teachers, and family can nurture special interests that later grow into a productive career.
My dad loved nature. He shared it with me by taking me on hikes and telling me about the plants we saw. He taught me which ones were edible and how they were used by the Native American culture. Our neighbor, Armida, also taught me to love and value plants. She had a vegetable garden and had me do weeding or other gardening tasks, and then she’d teach me how to cook basic meals with the vegetables. And I had two teachers in middle school who were great influences on me.
Even though Sarah often struggled academically, by focusing on her special interests and by using coping skills she learned from others, she was able to graduate successfully with a degree that has translated into a job she loves.
My Sunday school teacher, Michele Jones, was a positive influence by teaching me how to be kind to myself as well as to others. She provided structure every Sunday and in addition to being there for patient advice, she also intentionally exposed me to sarcastic humor and jokes and helped me “get” them. This helped me in school when I had to work in groups with other students who naturally communicated in this manner.
Sarah also learned emotional coping skills from observing and interacting with others.
I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was a child. It’s getting better, and I’m able to do my job in spite of it. I’ve learned to slow down and think about gaining order and control of myself. When I saw the HBO film Temple Grandin, I was suddenly relieved of my shame about being different. I used the coping skills shown in the film to help me with my anxiety, my confidence issues, and my sensory sensitivity. I realized that like Temple with her squeeze machine, I wanted a feeling of being held by something predictable and controllable. I use tight jeans and fitted shoes, and I place my hands on my stomach or lower back.
My grandma Barbara used to tickle me on my back when I was a little girl. I found this soothing, and to this day I love massage and its calming effect on me. Grandma also taught me how to be considerate of others and socially appropriate. I used to sing during meals and she
