A word or phrase that collectively describes or refers to more than one identity/orientation/group of people. Many of the umbrella terms in this book can also double as specific, or stand-alone identities. (Example: Genderqueer can be both a specific gender identity as well as an umbrella term which includes many gender nonconforming identities and people.)
Validate: To acknowledge, support, and/or accept that something is real and legitimate.
Woman: Someone who identifies as a woman.
Womasexuality/romanticismm a.k.a. gynesexuality/romanticism: Attraction to women and/or femininity.
Zedsexual/romantic, a.k.a. allosexual/romantic: A person who experiences sexual/romantic attraction. (Aka someone not on the ace/aro spectrum.)
Introduction
Who is writing this book?
Hello, and welcome to The ABC’s of LGBT+! Before we dive into the fun stuff, like what this queer-catalog-of-sorts is going to cover and why you should care, I want to take a few moments to introduce what inspired this project, and who helped make it possible.
Thirteen years ago I sat under a blanket at the foot of my bed armed with a pen and flashlight. After staring at my diary for what seemed like an eternity, I finally mustered the courage to, with tentative, shaky handwriting, come out for the very first time as “maybe, I don’t know, like-liking girls sometimes.”
Adorable, right? I was eleven years old, awkward, shy, and terrified of letting my secret out. As a result, I stayed closeted for seven more years and used every ounce of energy I had repressing my adolescent lady-crushes.
Hi. My name is Ashley Mardell, and some of you may know me from my YouTube channel. Online, I’m known for doing a variety of bizarre activities such as participating in drunken arts and crafts, pie’ing my fiancée in the face, and even dressing my cats up in impressive displays of drag. Among the goofy shenanigans there are a few important, underlying themes that permeate my channel. Most notably, this includes LGBTQIA+3 visibility and education. I especially enjoy delving into the many mis- and underrepresented identities of the LGBTQIA+ world. This may be because I identify with several marginalized and misunderstood identities myself.
By the time college came around, I had finally amassed enough self-acceptance to come out beyond the pages of my diary. It took almost a year, but before we parted ways for summer break, I’d told my most important university friends (including my serious boyfriend at the time) that I was…
I was a piece of work. While a part of me desperately needed my friends to understand that I was absolutely not straight, another part of me would do just about anything to avoid words like “queer,” “gay,” or “bisexual.” These terms felt contrived, confining, and frankly, scary to me. I wasn’t ready to face the stereotypes and stigma4 they came with, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to become a part of the community they belonged to.5
Then I discovered the LGBTQIA+ world on the internet, and everything changed. It started with only a handful of “coming out” videos on YouTube. I didn’t have many LGBTQIA+ role models in my life at the time, so I let some of these online figures fill that void. It was an interesting experience. For the first time, I felt deeply connected to people because of their sexuality. I finally understood the benefits of belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community; it offered people who differed from the norm a sense of understanding and acceptance. This realization helped alleviate the nagging disconnect and subtle isolation I used to feel from the rest of world. I quickly became excited for a future of possibilities and belonging.
Aside from being refreshingly relatable, I also found these people to be impressively compassionate, caring, and supportive. They not only had a profound understanding of themselves, but also a beautiful, empathetic curiosity of others’ identities. It inspired me.
I wanted to enter into this loving, open-minded network of people, and so my interest in LGBTQIA+ topics quickly escalated. Soon I found myself devouring books, blogs, documentaries, podcasts, and anything queer I could get my hands on. Never before had I known that an ocean of free LGBTQIA+ education existed, and all I had to do to access it was type a few keywords into a search bar. This abundance of new knowledge transformed me. I was no longer the hesitant, insecure, label-shy Ashley I was before. I found myself empowered, confident, and excited to take ownership of any super gay terminology that applied to me!
Five years, two new cats, a future wife, and a drastic short haircut later, and I’m happy to tell you this is still the case today. To be honest, I’m not sure I’ve ever met a person more passionate about labels and the power of language than myself. In fact, if you asked me to describe my identity in the most precise sense, I would likely say something like, “I’m Ashley, a very fluid, queer person, comfortable using the words bi, pan, and multisexual interchangeably. I’d describe my romantic orientation as demi-homoflexible and my gender as questioning, but typically existing in the spaces between woman and agender. Words I’m currently experimenting with are non-binary, gender neutral, bigender, demigirl, genderfluid, genderqueer, and genderflux. Also, I prefer to engage in monogamous relationships.” Phew! Not sure what all those terms mean? Not to worry, you will soon!
In addition to my own brain and research, I am very lucky to have a team of knowledgeable experts behind me. They have fact-checked, edited, and overviewed all the information covered in this book. Some of these fabulous organizations include:
Trans Student Educational Resources, or TSER:6 TSER is a youth-led organization dedicated to transforming the educational environment for trans and gender nonconforming students through advocacy and empowerment. Our editor from TSER is Eli Erlick,7 a queer trans woman, activist, and director of the organization. Her work and writing focus on trans and queer organizations, youth, education, identities, media, and pathology.
Gender Spectrum:8 All children and teens are affected by narrow definitions of what is permissible and appropriate for their gender. Gender Spectrum works to increase understanding of topics related to youth and gender in an effort to create more inclusive spaces for all youth. Our editor from Gender Spectrum is Executive Director, Lisa Kenney.
The Gender Book:9 This book is a fantastic gender resource which has gone on to win recognition of an IPPY award, several grants, and was selected for the 2015 Rainbow list. Our editor from The Gender Book is Mel Reiff. Mel is an artist and illustrator who created a colorful, fully-illustrated gender 101 with their friends while living in Texas.
Everyone Is Gay:10 Everyone Is Gay works to improve the lives of LGBTQIA+ youth using a three-pronged approach: providing honest & often humorous advice on everything from coming out to relationships to identities; talking to students across the country in an effort to create caring, compassionate school environments; and working with the families of LGBTQIA+ people to help foster an ongoing dialogue and deeper understanding. Our editor from Everyone Is Gay is the CEO and Editor in Chief of the organization, Kristin Russo.
And of course, how could anyone ever hope to make a detailed guide of LGBTQIA+ identities without a few bloggers? Personally, I view blogging spaces as unmistakable voices of the community. They have become the birthplaces of hundreds of LGBTQIA+ identities, and they are communities that constantly work on questioning, tweaking, and perfecting language to keep terms inclusive and comfortable for everyone. For these reasons, I’ve invited a few of my favorite LGBTQIA+ web wizards to review this book’s contents. Let me introduce them:
Vesper
