best of me is within.
February 16
“Seize the day!”
HORACE
As soon as you opened your eyes this morning, you knew that extreme pain would be your constant companion all day. You lingered in bed, allowing your mind to fully awaken along with your body, getting in touch with past experiences of days such as this. You recalled episodes of pain-generated impatience and fury. You remembered, all too clearly, how your negativity and irritability manifested itself in behavior so hurtful that it sometimes brought others to tears.
So you remained in bed a while longer, taking the time to decide that this would not be that kind of day. You vowed to be as accepting as possible of your pain without the pressure of unrealistic expectations. You reminded yourself that your loved ones are hurting right along with you, and that they need your patience and compassion just as much as you need theirs.
You affirmed the realities that pain diminishes and eventually passes, that help is always close at hand, and that you need not suffer silently or sullenly. You promised yourself that you would reach out to fellow sufferers and to God.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Pain or no pain, how do I choose to live this day?
February 17
“We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can—namely, surrender our will and fulfill God’s will in us.”
ST. TERESA OF AVILA
It is critically important for us to fight the disease with all of our strength and resources. However, in the broader realm of our life it is just as essential to stop fighting everyone and everything else.
How can we achieve this state of surrender that leads to inner tranquility? One of the best ways is to consciously and conscientiously seek and do God’s will rather than heedlessly or bullishly following the dictates of our own will.
There are various pathways to spiritual surrender including prayer, meditation, structured solitude, and working with a spiritual advisor. Some people feel that God’s will is often expressed through intuition. Intuition is your “inner voice,” which exists independently of intellect and ego.
How can we be certain, day by day, that our will is in alignment with God’s will? More than likely we will be able to tell, over time, by a powerful sense that we are “going with the flow.” If most of the time we feel tranquil and in harmony with others and the world around us, these are good indications that we are following God’s will. But if we are frequently in conflict—if we feel anxious, irritable, and fearful—these are good indicators that we are being motivated primarily by self-will.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Spiritual surrender leads to serenity.
February 18
“May you live all the days of your life.”
JONATHAN SWIFT
When the illness made its presence known, it was unwelcome, clearly so, yet it rudely shouldered its way into every corner of our lives. We were told that the course of the disease would be determined by our response to surgery, to drug therapy, to radiation, and that an equally important factor would be our attitude.
Whether we are seriously ill ourselves or caring for someone with cancer, AIDS, or Alzheimer’s, if we haven’t done so yet, we will have to make a highly critical choice. If we see the illness as a death sentence, then our choice is to position ourselves at death’s door, waiting fearfully and despondently for the end. With this choice we give up the opportunity to grow closer than ever with loved ones. We also forgo the process of living in the precious time remaining in our lives.
If, however, we choose to regard the illness as one of life’s most challenging chapters, rather than a death sentence, our experience and involvement can be productive and fulfilling. By embracing and treasuring the time we have together, searching for meaning and significance in each new day, we transcend illness and actively cherish the gift of life.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Would I rather spend my time fearing death or embracing life?
February 19
“A faith that sets bounds to itself, that will believe so much and no more, that will trust thus far and no further, is none.”
JULIUS CHARLES HARE AND AUGUSTUS WILLIAM HARE
I know that I’m not supposed to keep prescription drugs after their expiration dates. But like so many people I often neglect to throw them away, even though they are no longer effective or even appropriate for my illnesses. When I decided to get rid of a drawer full of outdated medications not long ago, I found myself lingering morosely over their names, dosages, and the month and year they were prescribed.
Before I flushed them away I tried, with little success, to remember which drugs had been prescribed for what conditions. What I did remember vividly were the terrible side effects of some—the nausea, vertigo, headaches, and rashes; the outlandish $3-a-pill cost of several; the complete ineffectiveness of so many. And I thought despairingly, “What a waste! No more drugs, no more pills, never again. The hell with it.”
That evening, when I became willing to let go of my self-destructive anger, I was restored to sanity. I recommitted myself, deep in my heart, to continue doing whatever I can and whatever it takes to get well again.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Medicines are not panaceas but tools to help me build my house of health.
February 20
“For life, with all it yields of joy and woe … Is just a chance o’ the prize of learning love.”
ROBERT BROWNING
A young friend burst into tears as she described a cross-country visit to her dying father. She had rushed to his side as the family “savior,” expecting to take charge of his medical care, bring him comfort, and unify her grieving family. “My dad was glad to see me,” she said, “but he made it emphatically clear to everyone that he wanted to be left alone. I’m shattered.”
We each choose to deal with critical or terminal illness in our own way. Some of us require a great deal of family involvement while others want very little attention. However, these highly personal choices are not always easy to make, since every person in the family circle has special emotional needs during times of crisis.
Those of us who are ill must nevertheless set our own priorities. If we need to
