more competent.21
Other studies demonstrate how silencing women deprives a company or organization of valuable ideas. Anita Woolley, a professor at the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon, partnered with professors from M.I.T. and Union College to test the value of teamwork and find out whether some teams were smarter than others, as measured by how well they performed a variety of tasks. They found that smart teams had three defining characteristics: members who participated more equally in discussions (i.e., no single person dominated), members who scored higher on reading the emotional tenor of their colleagues’ faces, and more women than men assigned to the team.22
But we’re not there yet. Ethan Burris, a University of Texas researcher, found that when women challenged an old system and suggested a new one, team leaders viewed them as less loyal and were less likely to act on their suggestions.23
Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, put Burris’s findings into perspective in an opinion piece co-written with Adam Grant for the New York Times. They wrote, “Even when all the team members were informed that one member possessed unique information that would benefit the group, suggestions from women with inside knowledge were discounted.”24 In addition, they wrote that research shows “women who worry that talking too much will cause them to be disliked are not paranoid; they are often right.”
So while we move past our own insecurities and what holds us back from becoming powerful speakers and communicators, it’s important not to place all the blame on ourselves. We are making progress—just not quickly enough, in my opinion.
There are hopeful glimmers. In the music industry, 2014 was referred to as the year of confident, unapologetic young women. Singers such as Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor, Taylor Swift, and Iggy Azalea would never be called shy or passive.
Meanwhile, female comediennes including Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have mega-star careers as writers, performers, and show runners—with three Golden Globe Award hosting gigs under their belts.
In early 2016, Samantha Bee premiered her talk show, Full Frontal. After twelve years as the longest-serving regular correspondent on The Daily Show, Bee decided to venture off on her own. Her sharp political humor has found a new home and her position as the only female late-night television host has the potential for great influence. Yet it’s no accident that in her very first episode, she includes a skit where reporters only ask what it’s like being a woman in a world of male talk-show hosts.25 In a February 14, 2016, interview in the New York Times Magazine, Bee was asked: “Which do you think men find more threatening: a funny woman or an angry woman?” Note her response: “I think angry women are so easy to dismiss as crazy or shrill. It’s harder to dismiss a funny woman.”26 Amen, sister.
There is a top-ten list of female TED speakers, which means women are well represented when it comes to conveying innovative ideas, insights, and experiences. Two of my favorites are Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s speech “Stroke of Insight,” about surviving a massive stroke,27 and researcher Brené Brown’s presentation, “The Power of Vulnerability.” Brown has a genuine, self-effacing quality that makes her easy to listen to and helps her connect with an audience. Her statement “Maybe stories are data with a soul” beautifully combines art and science.28
According to a 2012 study conducted by the Los Angeles Times, women make up only 18 percent of producers in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.29 Young women take their cues from movies on career choices, fashion, role models, and what’s cool. Did you ever wonder why there are so few multidimensional female characters and heroines in movies? The answer lies in the paucity of women producers, directors, and writers. When women’s voices are limited, the trickle-down effect can affect generations.
When women’s voices are limited, the trickle-down effect can affect generations.
There’s still a shortage of women running large corporations. As of December 31, 2015, there were only twenty-two female CEOs leading Fortune 500 companies, including Mary Barra (General Motors), Marillyn Hewson (Lockheed Martin), Indra Nooyi (PepsiCo), and Ginni Rometty (IBM).30 Looking downstream at those who will follow, Sandberg was optimistic: “As more women enter the upper echelons of organizations, people become more accustomed to women contributing and leading.”31
One unexpected arena where women are changing the norm is the world of video games. In January 2016, women outnumbered men in the University of Southern California’s graduate video-game design program—rated number one in the United States. Tracy Fullerton, a game designer and director of the Joint USC Games Program, who oversees this curriculum, said, “Young women need characters to have as role models . . . It’s important. The more that games become a key medium, the more important it becomes for this to happen.”32
As we continue to claim our rightful place in the world and enlist followers through our impassioned words, I’m hopeful that Sandberg’s prediction becomes reality. In my twenties and thirties, I chose a career in film directing because I believed it was the best way to deliver positive stories to as many people as possible. Now my mission is to inspire young women, just as brave women inspired me.
2 EXORCISE THE DEMONS:DISPELLING MYTHS ABOUTPUBLIC SPEAKING
Negative stories we’ve told ourselves and repeated over time are the primaryobstacles to reaching our full potential. When we clear the path, we canexpress ourselves without barriers.
In my days as a film and television director, I knew the moment an actor walked onto the set if she was going to have a bad day—and potentially make everyone else miserable. Her “tells” were a particular look in her eyes, the way she carried herself, and the way she connected with or retreated from others.
After coaching hundreds of executives, I can now predict how female speakers will perform in front of an audience. And it’s not what women say that gives them away. It’s what I observe as they walk from their seats to the front of the room. The strong speakers look determined; they exude purpose. There’s energy in their stride. They smile, and appear to have a genuine desire to connect with the audience. The opposite is also true. When a woman lacks confidence, it’s as if aliens have taken over her body. There’s no fire in her eyes. She walks slowly. Nine times out of ten, she’ll grip her notes while speaking as if her life depended on them. When I see a speaker who is prepared and capable, but clearly uncomfortable, it drives me crazy because I know it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ve been a communication and presentation trainer for more than fifteen years. My clients are executives—from those entering the job market to seasoned professionals breaking into the C-suite (senior managers who have “chief” in the title, including chief executive officer, chief financial officer, or chief operations officer).
Although a handful of women seek coaching to go on the speaker circuit, most want to improve their communication or presentation skills to generate more business, be seen as leaders in their industry, or raise awareness for their favorite organization.
Over the years, I’ve been fortunate to train and observe women who were wonderful, dynamic presenters. Not all speaker fears and anxieties are evenly distributed. However, there are mannerisms and behaviors that are exhibited by an inordinately large percentage of women speakers. And anyone who wants to reach the pinnacle
