issues.
When a woman lacks confidence, it’s as if aliens have taken over her body.
HOW DOES THE AUDIENCE PERCEIVE YOU?
Although many women are extremely competent and experienced professionals, too often their speaking persona telegraphs exactly the opposite—someone insecure in her knowledge, perspective, or physical presence.
For example, when asked to address a group of strangers or colleagues, do you suit up and become more formal? Does your voice tend to flatten out, displaying less animation and emotion than in normal conversation? Do you bury any indication of your unique personality or expressiveness under what I call the mantle of authority? Attempting to become what you think a professional looks and sounds like is the surest way to ramp up anxiety. It can also distance you from the audience, because you’ll be perceived as less than genuine.
Attempting to become what you think a professional looks and sounds like is the surest way to ramp up anxiety.
When standing, do you resist moving in a space, preferring to position yourself behind the lectern or perhaps even clutching it? If you do move, do you find yourself rocking back and forth, crossing your arms or legs, and sticking your hands in your pockets? All of these nonverbal messages telegraph your discomfort and reluctance to have the focus on you.
When delivering a presentation, do you overprepare, spending an excessive amount of time and energy on getting the subject matter just right and agonizing over the outcome? Not wanting to make a mistake, do you default to reading or memorizing your content instead of working off an outline? Does getting every word or phrase right have a higher priority than connecting with the audience?
I observed an insurance executive with a death grip on her prepared text as she read every word. When I took the paper out of her hands, she was forced to connect with the audience because she didn’t have a script as a crutch.
Now, if you thought this executive was addressing a packed auditorium or conference, you’d be mistaken. She was presenting an overview of her services at a workshop of only eight colleagues—but still thought she needed her security blanket to come across as a seasoned professional.
Although young women today can feel more equality and respect than baby boomers, this feeling often changes after they’ve had a child and are returning to the workforce. Then, like their older counterparts, they feel great pressure to achieve, stay current with their skills, and be the good girl who never makes mistakes. They’ve accepted that to be successful, they need to work harder and exhibit more professionalism than their male counterparts. The pressure they put on themselves can be paralyzing, but many women don’t believe they have options.
Striving to be perfect, women study and earn grades that reflect our hard work. We imitate male colleagues and do our best to blend in. An executive from a major toy company asked me how to succeed with her all-male team. The issue was that these men regularly went out after hours for tequila shots. The female executive didn’t like tequila or heavy drinking, but still wanted to be accepted. I suggested that she be self-effacing, mock her white-wine spritzers, and then offer to be the designated driver. Many times, however, the solution isn’t that simple.
I’ve seen hundreds of talented women regularly put in long hours, join professional organizations or committees, and take every opportunity to demonstrate their commitment to career and company. But many of these same women are reluctant to speak out.
When public speaking is unavoidable, these women tend to craft presentations that are polite, generic, and middle of the road. They take a nonconfrontational position to avoid being challenged. In other words, regardless of all their experience, massive preparation and agony over what to say, women practically guarantee that their talk will be mediocre and forgettable.
But that isn’t the end of their pain. Before delivering their presentation, these women find conflicting thoughts vying for their attention and keeping many of them up at night. Their concerns are: “What made me think I could do this? What if someone asks me a question I can’t answer? If I take a contrary position, will I be perceived as too aggressive, too ambitious, or not a team player?”
Although we do our best to deflect negative judgments and assessments from others, the strongest critic often resides within.
If your public speaking isn’t as effective as it could be, or you haven’t achieved what you believe is possible with your career, you can’t always blame someone else. What we tell ourselves can be equally damaging. What we believe becomes the truth. So let’s dispel the myths that negatively affect our behavior, so we can move on and resume our path to success.
PUBLIC SPEAKING MYTHS
Myth #1: You’re Born a Great Public Speaker
Did you master law, accounting, interior decorating, banking, or fitness training overnight? Of course not. The entry fee in any field requires education, certification, and often a degree. Why do we think that being proficient at public speaking or communication is something we’re born with? Or, that the first time we stand up in front of an audience or potential client, we will receive rave reviews? Please!
Becoming a great presenter takes commitment, introspection, inviting critical feedback, making mistakes, and incorporating lessons learned. This is why I won’t let a client complete an exercise if she begins with a traditional opening or reports on her topic from a 1,000-foot level—instead of investing herself in the subject and making it her own. As a former director, I know to nip a bad performance in the bud. The last thing you want is for a client to embrace an outdated mode of approaching her material, and have that scored into memory. At the same time, I need to be positive and encouraging, because I am asking the speaker-as-performer to move outside her comfort zone. I’m acutely aware that no matter how difficult and uncomfortable it may seem at first, the outcome is well worth it. And once learned, the new behavior is what characterizes seasoned veterans and successful professionals.
In Outliers: The Story of Success, author Malcolm Gladwell quoted neurologist Daniel Levitin as saying that “ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert—in anything.”33 Fortunately, it doesn’t take 10,000 hours to become a great communicator. As a trainer, I’ve seen vast improvement in only a few sessions or workshops. Because many standard business presentations are truly awful, the bar is set so low that even small differences can make speakers noticeably better than everyone else. Trust me—if you have an important presentation coming up, you’ll be motivated to improve quickly.
This process brings back memories of alpine skiing. I had a real attitude about anyone who preferred downhill over cross-country. My arrogance was obnoxious. I’d hold forth that the sport of downhill skiing—if you could call it a sport—was more style than substance. Besides, if you wanted exercise, why ride a chair to the top of a mountain and let gravity escort you downhill?
But whenever I went cross-country skiing, I’d purposely seek out the highest hill, ski straight down, and then herringbone up to the top, just to ski down again. My friends laughed and asked me why I didn’t put on real skis and find a real
