bores people. I think I used to be interesting once upon a time.
Anyway, I’ve decided I’m finally going to visit Boston. I’m going to finally face up to what my life could have been like had Alex gotten on that plane and made it to the debs with me instead of … well, you know who. I could have a degree by now. I could have been a career woman. I know it seems silly to put all that’s happened down to the fact that Alex couldn’t make it to the debs, but if he had come then I wouldn’t have gone with Brian. I wouldn’t have slept with Brian and there would be no baby. I think I need to face what I could have been in order to understand and accept what I am.
All my love,
Rosie
Stephanie,
Honey, Mum here. I was wondering if you would be able to get in touch with Rosie and maybe have a word with her. She just returned from Boston a week earlier than we expected and she seems upset about something, though she won’t say what it is. I was afraid this would happen. I know she feels that she has missed out on huge opportunities. I just wish she could see the positive side to what she has now. Will you get in touch with her? She always loves hearing from you.
Love you, sweetheart,
Mum
You have an instant message from: STEPH.
Steph: Hey, you, you’re not answering your phone.
Steph: I know you’re there, Rosie. I can see that you’ve logged online!
Steph: OK, I’m going to stalk you until you reply.
Steph: Hellooooo!
Rosie: Hi.
Steph: Well, hello there! Why do I get the feeling I’m being ignored?
Rosie: Sorry, I was too tired to speak to anyone.
Steph: I suppose I can forgive you. Everything OK? How was the trip to Boston? Was it as beautiful as it looks in the photos Alex sent us?
Rosie: Yeah, the place is really gorgeous. Alex showed me around everywhere. I hadn’t a minute to spare while I was over there. He really took care of me.
Steph: As he should. So where did you go?
Rosie: He showed me around Boston College so I could see what it would have been like for me to study there, and it is so magical and beautiful and the weather was just fabulous …
Steph: Wow, it sounds great. I take it you liked it then?
Rosie: Yeah, I liked it. It was even better than the photographs I saw of it when I was applying. It would have been a nice place to study …
Steph: I’m sure it would have been. Where did you stay?
Rosie: I stayed in Alex’s parents’ house. They live in a very posh area, not at all like around here. The house is really lovely: Alex’s dad is obviously making loads of money in that job.
Steph: What else did you two get up to? I know there has to be some exciting story here! There’s never a dull moment when you two are involved!
Rosie: Well, we went looking round the shops, he brought me to a Red Sox game in Fenway Park and I hadn’t a clue what was going on but I had a nice hotdog, we went out to a few clubs … sorry I’ve nothing that interesting to tell you, Steph …
Steph: Hey, that’s a hell of a lot more interesting than what I did all week, believe me! So how is Alex? How does he look? I haven’t seen him for ages. I wonder if I’d even recognise him!
Rosie: He looked really well. He’s got a slight American accent although he denies it. But he’s still the same old Alex. As lovable as usual. He really spoiled me for the entire week, he didn’t let me pay for a thing, he brought me out somewhere new every night. It was good to feel free for a while.
Steph: You are free, Rosie.
Rosie: I know that. I just don’t feel it sometimes. Over there I felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost as if every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. I haven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like a twenty-two-year-old, Steph. I haven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weird but I felt like the me that I could have been.
I liked that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while I walked down the street. I didn’t have the fifty near heart attacks per day that I usually get when Katie goes missing or puts something in her mouth that she shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the road and hold her back just in time from being hit by a car. I liked that I didn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation or make threats. I liked laughing at a joke without my sleeve being tugged at and being asked to explain. I liked having adult conversations without being interrupted to cheer and applaud a silly dance or the learning of a new word. I liked that I was just me, Rosie, not Mammy, thinking just about me, talking about things I liked, going places I liked to go without having to worry about what Katie was touching, or putting in her mouth, or sleepy-head tantrums. Isn’t that awful?
Steph: It’s not awful, Rosie. It’s good to have time to yourself but it’s good to be back with Katie, isn’t it? And if things were so great then why did you come home so early? You weren’t supposed to return for another week. Did something happen?
Rosie: Not really worth mentioning.
Steph: Oh, come on, Rosie. I know when something is bothering you, and you can tell me.
Rosie: It was just time to go, Steph.
Steph: Did you and Alex have a fight or anything?
Rosie: No, too embarrassing to explain.
Steph: Why, what do you mean?
Rosie: Oh, I just made a show of myself one night.
Steph: Don’t be silly. I’m sure Alex didn’t mind! He’s seen you make a show of yourself plenty in your lifetime.
Rosie: No, Steph, this was a different kind of making a show of myself. Trust me. Not the usual kind of Alex and Rosie thing to do. I kind of threw myself at him and the next day I was mortified.
Steph: WHAT? Do you mean that …? Did you and Alex …?
Rosie: Calm down, Stephanie!
Steph: I can’t! This is too bizarre! You two are like brother and sister! Alex is like my little brother! You can’t have!
Rosie: STEPHANIE! WE DIDN’T!
Steph: Oh.
Steph: Then what happened?
Rosie: Well, I’m hardly going to tell you now, Ms. Overreactor.
Steph:
