Alex and Sally!
OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT. WHAT DO YOU THINK, RUBY?
You have an instant message from: RUBY.
Ruby: Gag gag puke puke puke. They’ll all love it. Good luck, Rosie. No tears and DO NOT drink.
Dear Rosie,
Greetings from the Seychelles! Rosie, thank you so much for last week! I had such a good time. I never really thought I could actually enjoy my wedding day but you made it so much fun. Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone noticed you were drunk for the entire ceremony (maybe they did for the speech – but it was funny), but I don’t think the priest was too impressed when you hiccuped just as I was about to say ‘I do!’
I can’t quite remember the stag night but I hear it was a great success. The boys just keep going on and on about it. I think Sally is a little angry that she had to marry a man with one eyebrow and I don’t care what anybody says, I no it was you who did it! All the wedding photos are of the left side of my face but it doesn’t matter because Sally says it’s my best side. Unlike you, who say my best side is the back of my head.
The wedding went really well, didn’t it? I thought I was going to be a bundle of nerves all day but you just made me laugh so much I think it helped to get rid of the nervous energy. Although we shouldn’t really have laughed when the wedding photos were being taken, I doubt we’ll find any decent shots where my face and yours aren’t distorted from laughter. Sally’s family thought you were really terrific. They weren’t really keen on the idea of me having a best woman, to be honest, but Sally’s dad thought you were great. Is it true you made him knock back a shot of tequila?!
My mum and dad were so glad to see you and Katie. I’m glad Katie wore the locket I gave her on her last birthday. It’s funny; Mum says Katie is exactly how you looked when you were seven. I think she kind of kept hoping that it was you and that I was that age again too. She was very teary that day! But they just wouldn’t stop going on and on about how beautiful you looked in that dress! It’s as if you were the bride!
But you did look beautiful, Rosie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress before (not since you were Katie’s age, anyway). Well, I suppose I would have seen you in one had I made it to the debs all those years ago. God, listen to me. I sound like an old man reminiscing on years gone by!
Everyone agreed your best woman speech was brilliant. I think all my friends have a crush on you. And no, you can’t have their phone numbers. By the way, Rosie, you were my best woman that day and you still are my best friend. Always will be. Just to let you no.
Married life is going well so far. We’ve only been married ten days so we’ve only had, let’s see … ten fights. Ha ha. I’m sure somebody told me that was healthy in a relationship … I’m not worried. The place we’re honeymooning in is fabulous, which I’m glad about because it’s costing us an absolute fortune. We’re staying in this little wooden hut-type building on stilts high up over the water. It’s beautiful. The water is that turquoise-green colour that you can see through right down to the multicoloured fish below. It’s paradise; you would love it. Now this is the hotel you should work at, Rosie. Imagine your office being the beach …
I would just love to laze on the beach and drink cocktails all day, to be honest, but Sally always has to be doing something so every second I’m being dragged into the sea or I find myself flying in the sky hanging out of some odd contraption. I wouldn’t be surprised if she decides that we should have lunch underwater while scuba-diving.
Anyway, I’ve bought you and Katie presents so I hope they arrived at your house safely and that they weren’t crushed in the post. They’re supposed to be a kind of good-luck charm over here and I no you always loved collecting shells on the beach when we were kids so now you can wear the prettiest ones around your neck.
Well, I better go. Apparently people aren’t even supposed to send postcards while they’re on their honeymoon, never mind writing novels for letters (according to Sally – so I must go). I think she wants to do something crazy like be dragged around on water-skis by a dolphin.
God help me, what have I gotten myself into?!
Love,
Alex
PS. I miss you!
You have an instant message from: RUBY.
Ruby: I spotted you out the window coming into work – what the hell are you wearing around your neck? Is it shells?
Rosie: It brings luck.
Ruby: Uh-huh. Any luck yet?
Rosie: I didn’t miss my bus this morning.
Ruby: Uh-huh.
Rosie: Oh, piss off.
Rosie has logged off.
From Rosie
To Ruby
Subject You’ll never believe this.
I’m faxing you over a letter Sally sent Katie. Let me know what you think.
Dear Katie,
Thank you for being my flower girl at my wedding last week. Everybody said that you looked beautiful, just like a real little princess.
Myself and Alex are now on holiday in a place called the Seychelles, just where your mummy wants to live. Tell her it is lovely, very hot and sunny, and you can show her the photograph of me and Alex lying on the beach so she can see what it looks like here. We are very happy and very much in love.
I am enclosing a photograph of you, me, and Alex on our wedding day so you can frame it and put it up in your house. I hope you like it.
Ring us soon.
Love,
Sally
You have an instant message from: RUBY.
Ruby: Sounds like the bitch is just pissing around her man to mark her territory.
Rosie: By sending a letter to a seven-year-old little girl??!!
Ruby: Well, she obviously knew that it would get into your hands. That’s cruel alright. Don’t let Sally worry you. She’s just trying to let you know who the woman is in Alex’s life now. Anyway, why is she doing this? Did you do anything to make her feel threatened?
Rosie: No way! As if!
Ruby: Rosie?
Rosie: Oh, OK then, maybe she felt just a little threatened by the fact that Alex and I had a better time at her wedding than she did.
Ruby: Bingo!
Rosie: Yes, but that’s the way we always are, Ruby. It wasn’t flirting, it wasn’t anything. It was just happiness. However, she did not crack one smile for the whole day. She just kept sucking her cheekbones in and pouting at everyone.
Ruby: OK, I believe you, but millions wouldn’t. Anyway, don’t rise to her, just ignore it.
Rosie:
