very much disappointed. I mentioned that you and Miss Prism were in the garden. He said he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment.
cecily
Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here. I suppose you had better talk to the housekeeper about a room for him.
merriman
Yes, Miss. [Merriman goes off.]
cecily
I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like everyone else.
[Enter Algernon, very gay and debonnair.]
He does!
algernon
[Raising his hat.] You are my little cousin Cecily, I’m sure.
cecily
You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age. [Algernon is rather taken aback.] But I am your cousin Cecily. You, I see from your ·63· card, are Uncle Jack’s brother, my cousin Ernest, my wicked cousin Ernest.
algernon
Oh! I am not really wicked at all, cousin Cecily. You mustn’t think that I am wicked.
cecily
If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner. I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.
algernon
[Looks at her in amazement.] Oh! Of course I have been rather reckless.
cecily
I am glad to hear it.
algernon
In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way.
cecily
I don’t think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very pleasant.
algernon
It is much pleasanter being here with you.
·64· cecily
I can’t understand how you are here at all. Uncle Jack won’t be back till Monday afternoon.
algernon
That is a great disappointment. I am obliged to go up by the first train on Monday morning. I have a business appointment that I am anxious … to miss.
cecily
Couldn’t you miss it anywhere but in London. [E: London?]
algernon
No: the appointment is in London.
cecily
Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a business engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life, but still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives. I know he wants to speak to you about your emigrating.
algernon
About my what?
cecily
Your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your outfit.
·65· algernon
I certainly wouldn’t let Jack buy my outfit. He has no taste in neckties at all.
cecily
I don’t think you will require neckties. Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia.
algernon
Australia! I’d sooner die.
cecily
Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.
algernon
Oh, well! The accounts I have received of Australia and the next world, are not particularly encouraging. This world is good enough for me, cousin Cecily.
cecily
Yes, but are you good enough for it?
algernon
I’m afraid I’m not that. That is why I want you to reform me. You might make that your mission, if you don’t mind, cousin Cecily.
·66· cecily
I’m afraid I’ve no time, this afternoon.
algernon
Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?
cecily
It is rather Quixotic of you. But I think you should try.
algernon
I will. I feel better already.
cecily
You are looking a little worse.
algernon
That is because I am hungry.
cecily
How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and wholesome meals. Won’t you come in?
algernon
Thank you. Might I have a button-hole first? I never have any appetite unless I have a button-hole first.
·67· cecily
A Maréchale Niel? [Picks up scissors.]
algernon
No, I’d sooner have a pink rose.
cecily
Why? [Cuts a flower.]
algernon
Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.
cecily
I don’t think it can be right for you to talk to me like that. Miss Prism never says such things to me.
algernon
Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted
