yes.
miss prism
[Bitterly.] People who live entirely for pleasure usually are.
jack
But it is not for any child, dear Doctor. I am very fond of children. No! the fact is, I would like to be christened myself, this afternoon, if you have nothing better to do.
chasuble
But surely, Mr. Worthing, you have been christened already?
jack
I don’t remember anything about it.
·74· chasuble
But have you any grave doubts on the subject?
jack
I certainly intend to have. Of course I don’t know if the thing would bother you in any way, or if you think I am a little too old now.
chasuble
Not at all. The sprinkling, and, indeed, the immersion of adults is a perfectly canonical practice.
jack
Immersion!
chasuble
You need have no apprehensions. Sprinkling is all that is necessary, or indeed I think advisable. Our weather is so changeable. At what hour would you wish the ceremony performed?
jack
Oh, I might trot round about five if that would suit you.
chasuble
Perfectly, perfectly! In fact I have two similar ceremonies to perform at that time. A case of twins that occurred recently in one of the outlying cottages ·75· on your own estate. Poor Jenkins the carter, a most hard-working man.
jack
Oh! I don’t see much fun in being christened along with other babies. It would be childish. Would half-past five do?
chasuble
Admirably! Admirably! [Takes out watch.] And now, dear Mr. Worthing, I will not intrude any longer into a house of sorrow. I would merely beg you not to be too much bowed down by grief. What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.
miss prism
This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.
[Enter Cecily from the house.]
cecily
Uncle Jack! Oh, I am pleased to see you back. But what horrid clothes you have got on! Do go and change them.
miss prism
Cecily!
·76· chasuble
My child! my child! [Cecily goes towards Jack; he kisses her brow in a melancholy manner.]
cecily
What is the matter, Uncle Jack? Do look happy! You look as if you had toothache, and I have got such a surprise for you. Who do you think is in the dining-room? Your brother!
jack
Who?
cecily
Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.
jack
What nonsense! I haven’t got a brother.
cecily
Oh, don’t say that. However badly he may have behaved to you in the past he is still your brother. You couldn’t be so heartless as to disown him. I’ll tell him to come out. And you will shake hands with him, won’t you, Uncle Jack? [Runs back into the house.]
chasuble
These are very joyful tidings.
·77· miss prism
After we had all been resigned to his loss, his sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.
jack
My brother is in the dining-room? I don’t know what it all means. I think it is perfectly absurd.
[Enter Algernon and Cecily hand in hand. They come slowly up to Jack.]
jack
Good heavens! [Motions Algernon away.]
algernon
Brother John, I have come down from town to tell you that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have given you, and that I intend to lead a better life in the future. [Jack glares at him and does not take his hand.]
cecily
Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own brother’s hand?
jack
Nothing will induce me to take his hand. I think his coming down here disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.
·78· cecily
Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in everyone. Ernest has just been telling me about his poor invalid friend Mr. Bunbury whom he goes to visit so often. And surely there must be much good in one who is kind to an invalid, and leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain.
jack
Oh! he has been talking about Bunbury has he?
cecily
Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr. Bunbury, and his terrible state of health.
jack
Bunbury! Well, I won’t have him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else. It is enough to drive one perfectly frantic.
algernon
Of course I admit that the faults were all on my side. But I must say that I think that Brother John’s coldness to me is peculiarly painful. I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first time I have come here.
cecily
Uncle Jack, if you don’t shake hands with Ernest I will never forgive you.
·79· jack
Never forgive me?
cecily
Never, never, never!
jack
Well,
