rose in his button-hole.] You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.
cecily
Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.
algernon
They are a snare that every sensible man would like to be caught in.
·68· cecily
Oh! I don’t think I would care to catch a sensible man. I shouldn’t know what to talk to him about.
[They pass into the house. Miss Prism and Dr. Chasuble return.]
miss prism
You are too much alone, dear Dr. Chasuble. You should get married. A misanthrope I can understand—a womanthrope, never!
chasuble
[With a scholar’s shudder.] Believe me, I do not deserve so neologistic a phrase. The precept as well as the practice of the Primitive Church was distinctly against matrimony.
miss prism
[Sententiously.] That is obviously the reason why the Primitive Church has not lasted up to the present day. And you do not seem to realize, dear Doctor, that by persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation. Men should be more careful; this very celibacy leads weaker vessels astray.
chasuble
But is a man not equally attractive when married?
·69· miss prism
No married man is ever attractive except to his wife.
chasuble
And often, I’ve been told, not even to her.
miss prism
That depends on the intellectual sympathies of the woman. Maturity can always be depended on. Ripeness can be trusted. Young women are green. [Dr. Chasuble starts.] I spoke horticulturally. My metaphor was drawn from fruits. But where is Cecily?
chasuble
Perhaps she followed us to the schools.
[Enter Jack slowly from the back of the garden. He is dressed in the deepest mourning, with crape hatband and black gloves.]
miss prism
Mr. Worthing!
chasuble
Mr. Worthing?
miss prism
This is indeed a surprise. We did not look for you till Monday afternoon.
·70· jack
[Shakes Miss Prism’s hand in a tragic manner.] I have returned sooner than I expected. Dr. Chasuble, I hope you are well?
chasuble
Dear Mr. Worthing, I trust this garb of woe does not betoken some terrible calamity?
jack
My brother.
miss prism
More shameful debts and extravagance?
chasuble
Still leading his life of pleasure?
jack
[Shaking his head.] Dead!
chasuble
Your brother Ernest dead?
jack
Quite dead.
miss prism
What a lesson for him! I trust he will profit by it.
·71· chasuble
Mr. Worthing, I offer you my sincere condolence. You have at least the consolation of knowing that you were always the most generous and forgiving of brothers.
jack
Poor Ernest! He had many faults, but it is a sad, sad blow.
chasuble
Very sad indeed. Were you with him at the end?
jack
No. He died abroad; in Paris, in fact. I had a telegram last night from the manager of the Grand Hotel.
chasuble
Was the cause of death mentioned?
jack
A severe chill, it seems.
miss prism
As a man sows, so shall he reap.
chasuble
[Raising his hand.] Charity, dear Miss Prism, charity! None of us are perfect. I myself am ·72· peculiarly susceptible to draughts. Will the interment take place here?
jack
No. He seemed to have expressed a desire to be buried in Paris.
chasuble
In Paris! [Shakes his head.] I fear that hardly points to any very serious state of mind at the last. You would no doubt wish me to make some slight allusion to this tragic domestic affliction next Sunday. [Jack presses his hand convulsively.] My sermon on the meaning of the manna in the wilderness can be adapted to almost any occasion, joyful, or, as in the present case, distressing. [All sigh.] I have preached it at harvest celebrations, christenings, confirmations, on days of humiliation and festal days. The last time I delivered it was in the Cathedral, as a charity sermon on behalf of the Society for the Prevention of Discontent among the Upper Orders. The Bishop, who was present, was much struck by some of the analogies I drew.
jack
Ah! that reminds me, you mentioned christenings I think, Dr. Chasuble? I suppose you know how to christen all right? [Dr. Chasuble looks astounded.] I mean, of course, you are continually christening, aren’t you?
·73· miss prism
It is, I regret to say, one of the Rector’s most constant duties in this parish. I have often spoken to the poorer classes on the subject. But they don’t seem to know what thrift is.
chasuble
But is there any particular infant in whom you are interested, Mr. Worthing? Your brother was, I believe, unmarried, was he not?
jack
Oh
