should have thought Lady Caroline would have grown tired of conjugal anxiety by this time! Sir John is her fourth!
lord illingworth
So much marriage is certainly not becoming. ·29· Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.
mrs. allonby
Twenty years of romance! Is there such a thing?
lord illingworth
Not in our day. Women have become too brilliant. Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
mrs. allonby
Or the want of it in the man.
lord illingworth
You are quite right. In a Temple every one should be serious, except the thing that is worshipped.
mrs. allonby
And that should be man?
lord illingworth
Women kneel so gracefully; men don’t.
mrs. allonby
You are thinking of Lady Stutfield!
·30· lord illingworth
I assure you I have not thought of Lady Stutfield for the last quarter of an hour.
mrs. allonby
Is she such a mystery?
lord illingworth
She is more than a mystery—she is a mood.
mrs. allonby
Moods don’t last.
lord illingworth
It is their chief charm.
[Enter Hester and Gerald.]
gerald
Lord Illingworth, every one has been congratulating me, Lady Hunstanton and Lady Caroline, and … every one. I hope I shall make a good secretary.
lord illingworth
You will be the pattern secretary, Gerald. [Talks to him.]
mrs. allonby
You enjoy country life, Miss Worsley?
·31· hester
Very much indeed.
mrs. allonby
Don’t find yourself longing for a London dinner-party?
hester
I dislike London dinner-parties.
mrs. allonby
I adore them. The clever people never listen, and the stupid people never talk.
hester
I think the stupid people talk a great deal.
mrs. allonby
Ah, I never listen!
lord illingworth
My dear boy, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have made you the offer. It is because I like you so much that I want to have you with me.
[Exit Hester with Gerald.]
Charming fellow, Gerald Arbuthnot!
mrs. allonby
He is very nice; very nice indeed. But I can’t stand the American young lady.
·32· lord illingworth
Why?
mrs. allonby
She told me yesterday, and in quite a loud voice too, that she was only eighteen. It was most annoying.
lord illingworth
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.
mrs. allonby
She is a Puritan besides——
lord illingworth
Ah, that is inexcusable. I don’t mind plain women being Puritans. It is the only excuse they have for being plain. But she is decidedly pretty. I admire her immensely. [Looks stedfastly at Mrs. Allonby.]
mrs. allonby
What a thoroughly bad man you must be!
lord illingworth
What do you call a bad man?
·33· mrs. allonby
The sort of man who admires innocence.
lord illingworth
And a bad woman?
mrs. allonby
Oh! the sort of woman a man never gets tired of.
lord illingworth
You are severe—on yourself.
mrs. allonby
Define us as a sex.
lord illingworth
Sphinxes without secrets.
mrs. allonby
Does that include the Puritan women?
lord illingworth
Do you know, I don’t believe in the existence of Puritan women? I don’t think there is a woman in the world who would not be a little flattered if one made love to her. It is that which makes women so irresistibly adorable.
·34· mrs. allonby
You think there is no woman in the world who would object to being kissed?
lord illingworth
Very few.
mrs. allonby
Miss Worsley would not let you kiss her.
lord illingworth
Are
