moment with our children has the potential for being fun—if not memorable—if we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and if we develop a creative mindset. (See the section entitled “Develop a creative mindset” at the beginning of chapter 7: “Tap Into Your Own Inner Artist”). While it’s important to parent with social, emotional, and cognitive goals in mind, it’s also important to simply have fun with our children. Unfortunately, a hyperfocus on achievement from early ages has become prevalent as a result of increasing competition for admission to schools from pre-K to college and fewer employment opportunities, even for those with bachelor’s degrees. As one Harvard study reveals, kids believe that their parents value achievement much more than happiness and kindness (Weissbourd and Jones 2014). And those same kids, taking a note from their parents, agree that achievement is the most important value. While there are numerous social, emotional, and cognitive benefits of incorporating the creative arts into parenting, one of the most fundamental assets of the creative arts is the opportunity they provide for fun and relaxation.
Like play, the arts can offer both serious rehearsal for life and pure fun. And like play, the creative arts don’t always have to serve a purpose (at least not an obvious one). There’s already so much that consumes the attention and energy of parents that it’s nice to have a creative way to let go. Singing along to the radio, redecorating a room, or bouncing to a beat can simply feel good. As the saying “art for art’s sake” suggests, art sometimes needs no justification. It is enjoyment. It is downtime. It is valuable in and of itself. And because it is valuable for these non-achievement-based reasons, incorporating more creative arts into your home may have some added, unexpected benefits.
We all need time to de-stress and to unconsciously process information or emotions from the day. Engaging in the creative arts can allow us to do that. When we make art, we can lose our sense of self and time, as we focus intently on the present moment while simultaneously being energized and fully engaged. This experience of “flow,” a term coined by positive psychology expert Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (2013), is associated with increased long-term happiness. What’s more, engaging in the creative arts can simply put a smile on our faces—an often taken-for-granted act with enormous positive mental and physical health benefits (Beres et al. 2011; Kraft and Pressman 2012). Oh, and fun time is also bonding time. We all need more of that, especially in this digital age.
Specific parenting goals aside, simply introducing, encouraging, and modeling engagement in the creative arts at home fosters happier, healthier, and better-connected kids. I’ve prescribed snapping pictures of eye-catching scenes to shift a teen’s focus from the negative to the positive. I’ve encouraged knitting breaks during homework to curtail anxiety-driven meltdowns. I’ve invited a mother and child to scribble together in order to disrupt their roles as the punisher and the punished. All experienced positive results.
Simple creative activities that result in laughter (whether scribbling together or dancing around the living room in last-year’s Halloween costumes) can not only bring more joy to family life—they may even boost immunity (Bennett et al. 2003; Christie and Moore 2005). Art that invites judgment-free self-expression, connection, and discovery naturally reduces stress and anxiety and improves vital signs (Stuckey and Nobel 2010). An analysis of 146 studies concluded that expressive writing improves not only immune function but also self-reported health, psychological health, and general functioning (Frattaroli 2006). Art for the sake of fun, relaxation, and leisure is actually art for the sake of health and well-being—for kids and parents.
THE NOT-SO-ARTSY PARENT
When I invite adult clients to make art in therapy sessions, it’s not uncommon for them to feel ambivalent or even negative about it. They may approach art with skepticism or discomfort. They decided long ago that they’re not artistic. They haven’t made art since childhood. They had a negative experience with it in school and didn’t learn how to enjoy it. It’s unfamiliar territory for them.
At home, plenty of parents encourage their kids to color independently, but if it becomes more involved or requires parent participation, they divert the activity to something else. It’s not necessarily because they don’t want to help their children or spend time with them. It’s because they don’t feel comfortable in the realm of the creative arts, they find other activities “easier” or less messy, they don’t see the point, or they simply don’t enjoy arts activities.
The most highly regarded theory of typical artistic development in children, created by academic Viktor Lowenfeld in the late 1940s but still widely referenced today, identifies the last stage of development as ages thirteen to sixteen. He called this stage the “Period of Decision/Crisis.” In this stage, teens decide whether art is worth pursuing. They decide (or are often told) whether they are good at it or not. At this stage, many people stop making art. How, then, can the not-so-artsy folks among us begin to access the arts to enrich our children and further our parenting goals?
Using the creative arts to further your parenting goals isn’t about becoming a skilled artist or devoted scrapbooker. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not. It doesn’t matter if you sing off-key or can’t draw a straight line. It really doesn’t even matter if you like it. After all, there are plenty of parts of parenting that we don’t like but do anyway because it works or it’s good for our kids. I don’t particularly like to read the same book over and over again to my preschooler, but I do it because I know that 1) she enjoys it, 2) research supports that repetition helps with mastery of language and vocabulary (Horst, Parsons, and Bryan 2011), and 3) repetition is comforting to a child. So I do it and find enjoyment, instead, in watching her delight in her favorite book of the moment (even for the hundredth time).
If you are a not-so-artsy parent, congratulate yourself for picking up this book (and turn to chapter 2: “Why We Love to Hate Glitter Glue (and Other Struggles with Art)”). This is an opportunity for you to challenge preconceived ideas that you may have about art making and to stretch yourself as a parent. Kids challenge us daily, and approaching those challenges with creativity will help us become more skillful and versatile as parents—and people.
2
Why We Love to Hate Glitter Glue (and Other Struggles with Art)
As a child, my wooden blocks become buildings and cars, with windows and wheels meticulously drawn using crayons and markers. Under my bed, I am Michelangelo drawing on the bed frame—my personal Sistine Chapel. In the dark corner of my closet, I am making ritual cave drawings on the walls. My little creative juices are flowing, and I am thrilled about my ideas. My parents are not. “No,” they say. “No. No. No.” My face falls. I feel my creative voice being stifled. Into adulthood, I secretly question their wisdom in those moments . . . until I become a parent myself. “We draw on paper, not on furniture. No, not on your toys either. Not walls. Paper. No. No. No.” As I hear my words, my own childhood experience returns to me. I feel conflicted. Where do freedom of expression and limits intersect?
It’s messy. It creates frustrations. It will likely get on clothes. It could ruin the furniture, the floors, the walls. Frankly, there are easier things to do with your kids than art. Blocks, trains, and video games don’t require hosing your kids down afterward. They won’t drive your child to tears because something got spilt or doesn’t look right. Other activities don’t make us hold our breath as we anticipate a rogue scribble spree on the walls or an entire bottle of glitter glue squeezed directly onto the table. There are a lot of good reasons we love to hate art. Art materials can challenge both kids and parents. And yet, these very situations that test us can provide some of the most powerful opportunities for personal growth.
Art gets messy, and so does life. What better
