is not. Acting on revenge fantasies in the moment feels so right, and the behavior feels justified and rewarding. Your mind blocks out all other thoughts, your vision becomes narrow, and you forget everything else you know. When you move into a fight response, your body begins to respond by readying you for action through the increase of cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenalin in the blood stream. This primitive response serves to help you defend against threat, but it also reduces capacity for rational thought, preventing you from anticipating what the consequences of your actions will be. Indulging in revenge thinking gives you a sense of power and control along with the sensation of feeling high, but only temporarily. While some people overreact, others underreact and move into a freeze response.
EXAMPLES
Since I have been aware, actually since I have had suspicions, I just cry. I can’t seem to stop. I cry and then sleep. Cry and sleep. I am not good for much at all.
I go about my day, pretending like everything is just fine, like I don’t really know any of this stuff.
It’s been three months since I learned of what he has been doing and I find myself isolating and eating, consuming large quantities of sugar. I simply go through the motions of the day.
The following is a list of reactions common to betrayed partners after learning about the addiction. In your journal, write down all the items you identify as symptoms of the stress you are encountering.
What makes these behaviors problematic is that they betray you. If you give in to the urge to exact revenge, you will suffer the consequence of further pain and often the problem for which you sought relief will still be there. In order to begin to lessen the automatic urge to react to a trigger, it is important to know that the body needs time for intense reactivity to subside. This can take fifteen to twenty minutes because the brain becomes flooded with a rush of neurochemical changes that prepare you to fight, flee, or freeze. To control an impulse caused by a triggering event, it is essential you create a plan that can be used anytime, anywhere as soon as your body is giving any sensory signs that you are in danger.
Subtle signs such as a receipt for a cash withdrawal, a sex scene on television, or an inappropriate email written by your partner can trigger realistic fear that he or she is acting out. Having the best strategies in place to handle and address triggers is essential to effectively recovering
