and when did you find out your partner was thinking about transitioning or has decided to transition?
2. What do you think it meant when your partner told you they need to transition?
3. How do you feel about the possibility or reality of your partner transitioning?
4. Now that you think about it, can you recall any situation, event, activity, or moment that might have indicated to you that your partner was considering transitioning?
5. Do you believe your life will remain the same or be different after the transition?
6. Now that you know, are there any fears, worries, and concerns going through your mind about the transition?
AFFIRMATIVE ANECDOTE
Being scared
Is not knowing
The answers
To all of my questions.
7. Do you fear you will not be allowed around children now that your partner is trans-identified?
8. Do you fear that you or your partner could be fired if it became known that your partner is transgender?
9. How will you cope or adjust if family or friends reject either one of you?
10. Is there an appropriate way to ask your partner if it is necessary for them to transition now, or if it is possible for them never to transition?
11. What thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns, or worries can you share with your partner?
12. What thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns, or worries can you share with others?
13. What thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns, or worries can you not share with your partner?
14. What thoughts, feelings, fears, concerns, or worries can you not share with others?
15. What can or should you do if you resent your partner about the transition?
16. How can you help and show support for your trans-identified partner?
17. What safety issues do you envision for your trans-identified partner and yourself before, during, and after the transition?
18. Is there a way you can ensure both of you are safe at your home, work, on the street, and especially in public bathrooms throughout the transition?
19. How do you feel about your partner dressing in their gender-affirming clothing?
20. How do you think the transition will affect or change your relationship with each other?
21. How do you think the transition will affect or change your relationship with others?
22. How do you think your partner thinks the transition will affect your relationship?
23. What are your choices, options, and desires for remaining in this relationship throughout the transition process?
24. What are your choices, options, and desires for leaving this relationship throughout the transition process?
25. How much are you willing to, wanting to, or able to be a part of this transition?
26. Do you think you will still be a couple during and after the transition?
27. Do you think people will be able to tell that your partner is transgender?
28. Do you think the focus will ever not be on the transition?
29. Do you believe your trans-identified partner will still use the same name and/or pronoun they were assigned at birth?
30. Do you think there are other people going through this type of transition? If so, will you try to find them? How?
COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019
GRAPHICS GALORE
Venn Diagram
What are the five greatest concerns, fears, or worries for each of you in regard to your relationship now that the transition is part of your future? It is helpful to explore whether you both share any of the same concerns, fears, and worries in order to address them. It is equally important to understand which concerns the other needs to discuss or is thinking about at this present time.
COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019
GRAPHICS GALORE
T-Chart
Write down what you now know about the transitioning process, then list what you want to know about the transition process. Continue filling in the chart as you learn the answers to the wants in relation to the transition process.
| Know | Want | Learn |
COPYRIGHT © D. M. MAYNARD – THE REFLECTIVE WORKBOOK FOR PARTNERS OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE – 2019
DESERVING DE-STRESS DELIGHTS
Meditation
Relaxing your mind and body at a time of stress can be very helpful in providing clarity and calmness. I found meditation in any form to be extremely comforting and it helped me to quiet many of my worries and fears in relation to the transition. These are ways others and I meditated, which helped us find solace and tranquility. As unusual as this may seem, some days I went for a walk in an active or loud area for a period of time. I found the sensory sights and sounds around me blocked out all the noise in my head, and I could just be an observer of my environment. Horns beeping, doors slamming, and people talking became music to my ears and surprisingly soothed me. In contrast, other days I needed the beauty and solitude of the beach. I would hear the ocean and look at the sunset, feeling at peace as I sorted things out. Sometimes I needed to cry alone. I did not even realize how cathartic it was to listen to the water and appreciate nature. For some people, hiking and walking in the woods or taking a stroll on the first snow day brought them much tranquility. Still others have shared that they found peace attending support groups, religious services, or speaking with a spiritual mentor quite comforting. If I wanted a more structured approach to practice stillness, I attended a meditation class.
AFFIRMATIVE ANECDOTE
What scares me most?
What worries me most?
How can I take care of me?
