hardly tell you that in families of high position strange coincidences are not supposed to occur. They are hardly considered the thing.
[Noises heard overhead as if someone was throwing trunks about. Everyone looks up.]
cecily
Uncle Jack seems strangely agitated.
chasuble
Your guardian has a very emotional nature.
lady bracknell
This noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as if he was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
·146· chasuble
[Looking up.] It has stopped now. [The noise is redoubled.]
lady bracknell
I wish he would arrive at some conclusion.
gwendolen
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
[Enter Jack with a hand-bag of black leather in his hand.]
jack
[Rushing over to Miss Prism.] Is this the hand-bag, Miss Prism? Examine it carefully before you speak. The happiness of more than one life depends on your answer.
miss prism
[Calmly.] It seems to be mine. Yes, here is the injury it received through the upsetting of a Gower Street omnibus in younger and happier days. Here is the stain on the lining caused by the explosion of a temperance beverage, an incident that occurred at Leamington. And here, on the lock, are my initials. I had forgotten that in an extravagant mood I had had them placed there. The bag is undoubtedly mine. I am delighted to have it so unexpectedly restored to me. It has been a great inconvenience being without it all these years.
·147· jack
[In a pathetic voice.] Miss Prism, more is restored to you than this hand-bag. I was the baby you placed in it.
miss prism
[Amazed.] You?
jack
[Embracing her.] Yes … mother!
miss prism
[Recoiling in indignant astonishment.] Mr. Worthing! I am unmarried!
jack
Unmarried! I do not deny that is a serious blow. But after all, who has the right to cast a stone against one who has suffered? Cannot repentance wipe out an act of folly? Why should there be one law for men, and another for women? Mother, I forgive you. [Tries to embrace her again.]
miss prism
[Still more indignant.] Mr. Worthing, there is some error. [Pointing to Lady Bracknell.] There is the lady who can tell you who you really are.
jack
[After a pause.] Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem ·148· inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?
lady bracknell
I am afraid that the news I have to give you will not altogether please you. You are the son of my poor sister, Mrs. Moncrieff, and consequently Algernon’s elder brother.
jack
Algy’s elder brother! Then I have a brother after all. I knew I had a brother! I always said I had a brother! Cecily,—how could you have ever doubted that I had a brother. [Seizes hold of Algernon.] Dr. Chasuble, my unfortunate brother. Miss Prism, my unfortunate brother. Gwendolen, my unfortunate brother. Algy, you young scoundrel, you will have to treat me with more respect in the future. You have never behaved to me like a brother in all your life.
algernon
Well, not till to-day, old boy, I admit. I did my best, however, though I was out of practice. [Shakes hands.]
gwendolen
[To Jack.] My own! But what own are you? What is your Christian name, now that you have become someone else?
·149· jack
Good heavens! … I had quite forgotten that point. Your decision on the subject of my name is irrevocable, I suppose?
gwendolen
I never change, except in my affections.
cecily
What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen!
jack
Then the question had better be cleared up at once. Aunt Augusta, a moment. At the time when Miss Prism left me in the hand-bag, had I been christened already?
lady bracknell
Every luxury that money could buy, including christening, had been lavished on you by your fond and doting parents.
jack
Then I was christened! That is settled. Now, what name was I given? Let me know the worst.
lady bracknell
Being the eldest son you were naturally christened after your father.
·150· jack
[Irritably.] Yes, but what was my father’s Christian name?
lady bracknell
[Meditatively.] I cannot at the present moment recall what the General’s Christian name was. But I have no doubt he had one. He was eccentric, I admit. But only in later years. And that was the result of the Indian climate, and marriage, and indigestion, and other things of that kind.
jack
Algy! Can’t you recollect what our father’s Christian name was?
algernon
My dear boy, we were never even on speaking terms. He died before I was a year old.
jack
His name would appear in the Army Lists of the period, I suppose, Aunt Augusta?
lady bracknell
The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life. But I have no doubt his name would appear in any military directory.
jack
The Army Lists of the last forty years are here. ·151· These delightful records should have been my constant study. [Rushes to bookcase and tears the books out.] M. Generals …. Mallam,
